...I'll make sure I do a better job of labeling the boxes.
Last May when I was packing my house up for someone else to move in, I was more concerned with getting things out of the way than with my ability to easily find what I had packed up. I figured that it was in storage until I returned in June 2012, coupled with my move out date being pushed up a week...well, I packed things up so they would be safe in the boxes, put them in my storage room, and got out. Which means when I decided a couple months ago that when I was home I should go track down some DVDs to bring back with me, it seemed like an easy proposition. I would just have to go back to my house, find the right box, and I'd be set. Easy in theory, a little more labor intensive in practice. I first went over last week, and I spent about 20 minutes moving boxes and looking through boxes until I found the one that held what I thought were all my DVDs. In going through them, I realized I had more DVDs than I had remembered, and there was no way that all of them were going to make it down with me. I have a few different "travel cases" for DVDs, and once they're filled, I'm done...individual cases take up too much room.
So after the initial search, I figured I was done. As I started filling the cases today, however, I realized that I was missing seasons of some of the TV shows I have on DVD. So I hadn't found everything. And then I remembered that when I was packing up, the first dozen or so boxes were packed with some sort of logic behind them...here are the DVD's, here are books from this shelf, that shelf, the other shelves (I realized somewhere along the line that I own a LOT of books...unsurprising to those who know me, but still...). As I was nearing the end of packing, things got a little more haphazard. I would set the box to fill on my couch, and whatever fit in it that wouldn't get broken was placed there. Which means if the DVDs weren't on the shelf where they belonged when I packed them the first time, they got put in another box of random things. And I never bothered to label which boxes were random things.
I went back to my house this afternoon to see if I could track down any of those seasons that I was missing (a couple from The Office and NCIS). There were also a few movies I know I'm missing. After an hour of searching I had found the seasons of The Office in a box filled mostly with books. I still hadn't found the rest of it, and I think I had been through every box. I'm sure they're sitting somewhere in that storage room, but I couldn't find them. So I'm going to be borrowing my mother's copies of those seasons (a sacrifice on her part...she "watches" them when she grades...they make great background noise). Though now that I've introduced her to House, maybe she'll have something else to watch. I think she made some comment about picking a few seasons of that up.
But my lesson for the week...next time I move out, make sure I clearly label the boxes!
My time back here has been good. I've had the opportunity to share with people one-on-one or in groups what I'm doing. I've seen a lot of people that I've wanted to see, and haven't been able to see others, which is kind of expected. In many ways it has seemed normal to be here, and then it seems strange when I realize that it's been 5 months since I've done things like drive...and it will be at least another 5+ months until I do so again. Often times when I sit down and talk with people, it's like no time has passed, things are "normal", just chatting about everyday life. We pick up where we left off...and somewhere along the line it hits me that my "normal" and their "normal" are currently very different. I can still very much relate to their normal, it's really easy to fall back into my old patterns...but in my time in Honduras, I've changed some. They're good changes, and I don't know how much will stick in the long run. I'm sure it will be interesting next year to see what sticks and what doesn't. It will also be interesting to see how much culture shock I experience going back to Honduras on Saturday. In many ways I feel like I've been back longer than 2 weeks...it's been a very full 2 weeks! And while I've definitely enjoyed my time here, and I'll miss people here when I go back, I am ready to go back, and looking forward to seeing people there again.
I do still have one more day in the States. Tomorrow my uncle, aunt and cousins are coming up for the day, and tomorrow evening is our family Christmas...so I'll see a lot of family right before I leave. It should be a good day! :-)
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Culture Shock...
I think my mother summarized it best this morning. I was eating breakfast, and probably looking a little out of it. She asked how I was doing. I said I didn't really know. And she said it probably felt like I never left, and like I wasn't really here at the same time. And she's right. Part of me doesn't really believe I'm here, while another part of me has already fallen back into the pattern of living at my parents' house.
Traveling here went really smoothly. While we were waiting at the airport to leave, an influx of people came to our gate, all speaking English and I saw a few of them wearing "mission trip" shirts. So I started asking them about their trip, what they had been doing there, where they were heading, etc. In the hour we were sitting there, I probably talked with 20+ people. I ended up sitting next to one of the girls on the flight to Atlanta, and we talked for a good portion of the flight. I didn't even pick up the book I had downloaded on my iPad the day before (which for me on a flight is very rare). We made it to Atlanta a little late, but I had plenty of time to clear customs. Customs was a slightly different experience, because technically my residency is now Honduras. So there were a few other questions being asked of me, like how long had I been in Honduras, what was I doing there, how long would I be in the States and what was my purpose here. It felt weird being surrounded by English everywhere (it still does to some extent). I left Melody at terminal D and continued on to my gate where I had about two and a half hours to kill before boarding. Over half of that was probably spent on the phone with people from the States. It's a luxury to have great signal everywhere, and not have to worry about how many minutes I have left before I need to load more.
I got off the phone about half an hour before boarding the flight, and struck up a conversation with the couple sitting next to me. I found out they had been in Nicaragua for the past eight days on a missions trip about 30 miles northeast of Managua. We had a good time talking until they called for boarding, and once on the plane, I found myself across the aisle from a couple who had been with them on their trip, so we spent about half the flight talking about our respective experiences. They showed me pictures and told me stories about what they had been doing. Again, I didn't pick up the book I had on my iPad. [I had read a few pages in the terminal before striking up conversation with the first couple.] The guy sitting next to me was in the Air Force, had been in Florida for training, and was continuing on to California this morning. We chatted a little bit, but mostly he listened in to the conversation I was having with the couple across the row, asking some questions, mostly of me, about what it was like teaching in another country. I don't know where he stands with God, but maybe he heard enough to make him think. I don't know, I just know I was more outgoing yesterday than I've probably ever been before. On one hand I think it's a good thing, on the other, I don't really recognize myself anymore. So combine that with the culture shock...and it took me a while to get to sleep last night.
I was in church this morning at the 8:00 and 10:45 services, Sunday school in between, and then there was a luncheon afterwards. I had three large cups of coffee today, which helped with the maybe 4 hours of sleep I got. It was great to see people, and after being away for so long, it's natural to go up and hug people. So not too much different than Honduras in that...though the cheek kisses didn't happen. But definitely a lot of hugging going on...again a change from who I was five months ago.
It's weird to be here...good, but weird. And while I'm here, I'm thinking of Honduras as home in some ways...as in I'm going "home" in two weeks. I'm not counting down the days to that (at least not yet) but I was thinking this morning of what I'd be doing there, and what my friends there are doing now (probably on the way back to the Ranch from church...or finishing up shopping in the city). It's definitely strange feeling like I'm belonging in two different places. And it's enough to keep my mind spinning. Hopefully tonight I'll be tired enough to where I'll fall asleep without too much of a problem regardless of how active my mind is.
This week is pretty booked. I'm going into school on Tuesday. That will probably be the next large culture shock...because as I found this morning, I automatically fall into old patterns (kind of like muscle memory) while my mind is telling my how strange this is. And it is bringing to light some of the ways I've changed in the past five months...most of them good.
Traveling here went really smoothly. While we were waiting at the airport to leave, an influx of people came to our gate, all speaking English and I saw a few of them wearing "mission trip" shirts. So I started asking them about their trip, what they had been doing there, where they were heading, etc. In the hour we were sitting there, I probably talked with 20+ people. I ended up sitting next to one of the girls on the flight to Atlanta, and we talked for a good portion of the flight. I didn't even pick up the book I had downloaded on my iPad the day before (which for me on a flight is very rare). We made it to Atlanta a little late, but I had plenty of time to clear customs. Customs was a slightly different experience, because technically my residency is now Honduras. So there were a few other questions being asked of me, like how long had I been in Honduras, what was I doing there, how long would I be in the States and what was my purpose here. It felt weird being surrounded by English everywhere (it still does to some extent). I left Melody at terminal D and continued on to my gate where I had about two and a half hours to kill before boarding. Over half of that was probably spent on the phone with people from the States. It's a luxury to have great signal everywhere, and not have to worry about how many minutes I have left before I need to load more.
I got off the phone about half an hour before boarding the flight, and struck up a conversation with the couple sitting next to me. I found out they had been in Nicaragua for the past eight days on a missions trip about 30 miles northeast of Managua. We had a good time talking until they called for boarding, and once on the plane, I found myself across the aisle from a couple who had been with them on their trip, so we spent about half the flight talking about our respective experiences. They showed me pictures and told me stories about what they had been doing. Again, I didn't pick up the book I had on my iPad. [I had read a few pages in the terminal before striking up conversation with the first couple.] The guy sitting next to me was in the Air Force, had been in Florida for training, and was continuing on to California this morning. We chatted a little bit, but mostly he listened in to the conversation I was having with the couple across the row, asking some questions, mostly of me, about what it was like teaching in another country. I don't know where he stands with God, but maybe he heard enough to make him think. I don't know, I just know I was more outgoing yesterday than I've probably ever been before. On one hand I think it's a good thing, on the other, I don't really recognize myself anymore. So combine that with the culture shock...and it took me a while to get to sleep last night.
I was in church this morning at the 8:00 and 10:45 services, Sunday school in between, and then there was a luncheon afterwards. I had three large cups of coffee today, which helped with the maybe 4 hours of sleep I got. It was great to see people, and after being away for so long, it's natural to go up and hug people. So not too much different than Honduras in that...though the cheek kisses didn't happen. But definitely a lot of hugging going on...again a change from who I was five months ago.
It's weird to be here...good, but weird. And while I'm here, I'm thinking of Honduras as home in some ways...as in I'm going "home" in two weeks. I'm not counting down the days to that (at least not yet) but I was thinking this morning of what I'd be doing there, and what my friends there are doing now (probably on the way back to the Ranch from church...or finishing up shopping in the city). It's definitely strange feeling like I'm belonging in two different places. And it's enough to keep my mind spinning. Hopefully tonight I'll be tired enough to where I'll fall asleep without too much of a problem regardless of how active my mind is.
This week is pretty booked. I'm going into school on Tuesday. That will probably be the next large culture shock...because as I found this morning, I automatically fall into old patterns (kind of like muscle memory) while my mind is telling my how strange this is. And it is bringing to light some of the ways I've changed in the past five months...most of them good.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Still Hasn't Clicked...
In 24 hours (provided things go as planned) I'll be on a plane beginning my descent into O'Hare. While I know the statement is true, it doesn't seem real. This is how I felt the night before coming here, too. Until I'm on that plane, it won't sink in.
Part of the issue is this is my world now, and it has been for the last five months (wow, I've been here 5 months already...I remember when the count was at 5 weeks and THAT seemed like a long time). It's my home...in a way. It's weird to talk about home now, because am I talking about my home here (the Ranch), my parents' house in the States (my "home" for the next two weeks), or the residence that I actually own (well, have a mortgage on...). In some ways, I'm looking forward to the next two weeks. I really miss my friends and family, and I'm excited to see you all again. In other ways, I'm kind of dreading the trip. I know reverse culture shock is going to be brutal. I've experienced it before when I've been gone for a week or two. Thinking through this...I haven't driven a car in 5 months, I haven't purchased things in dollars in that long either (well, not counting purchases made via Amazon or iTunes), my shopping and interactions out and about have been completed in Spanish, church has been in Spanish, and everywhere I look there are mountains. Yes, there will be culture shock. So my apologies ahead of time when I start to shut down on you all. It will happen, I know this already. My two weeks at home are already mostly booked. I am excited to see you all, I promise [and I've had the countdown going on facebook to prove it].
Today was fun. I went into the city with one of my students and her family. She was in a Christmas production at her church and invited me to go along. We went in a little early, had dinner, and then went to the church. It was a good time to practice my Spanish, and they enjoyed practicing their English (or at least that's what they told me). The production was all in Spanish, and I understood it all, which was encouraging (it does help when they're quoting familiar scripture, but I understood the rest of it as well). It was a little disconcerting to hear familiar carols being done in Spanish. But other than giving me another great opportunity to practice my Spanish, now it does feel a little more like Christmas is coming. Understand, I don't have TV access here, so I've missed out on all the commercials, sales, and other hype that normally surrounds me back in the States. We've been out of school now for 4 weeks (though I have been busy with school related stuff, just not necessarily classroom teaching). So the fact that Christms is in a week and a day hasn't really hit me [or a week, a day and an hour in this time zone...].
I should probably get off the internet and finish packing. I am doing a final load of laundry...not that most of it is going with me...not the right season for it...but it is always nice to come home to clean clothes and a clean room. So that's my project before going to bed...
Part of the issue is this is my world now, and it has been for the last five months (wow, I've been here 5 months already...I remember when the count was at 5 weeks and THAT seemed like a long time). It's my home...in a way. It's weird to talk about home now, because am I talking about my home here (the Ranch), my parents' house in the States (my "home" for the next two weeks), or the residence that I actually own (well, have a mortgage on...). In some ways, I'm looking forward to the next two weeks. I really miss my friends and family, and I'm excited to see you all again. In other ways, I'm kind of dreading the trip. I know reverse culture shock is going to be brutal. I've experienced it before when I've been gone for a week or two. Thinking through this...I haven't driven a car in 5 months, I haven't purchased things in dollars in that long either (well, not counting purchases made via Amazon or iTunes), my shopping and interactions out and about have been completed in Spanish, church has been in Spanish, and everywhere I look there are mountains. Yes, there will be culture shock. So my apologies ahead of time when I start to shut down on you all. It will happen, I know this already. My two weeks at home are already mostly booked. I am excited to see you all, I promise [and I've had the countdown going on facebook to prove it].
Today was fun. I went into the city with one of my students and her family. She was in a Christmas production at her church and invited me to go along. We went in a little early, had dinner, and then went to the church. It was a good time to practice my Spanish, and they enjoyed practicing their English (or at least that's what they told me). The production was all in Spanish, and I understood it all, which was encouraging (it does help when they're quoting familiar scripture, but I understood the rest of it as well). It was a little disconcerting to hear familiar carols being done in Spanish. But other than giving me another great opportunity to practice my Spanish, now it does feel a little more like Christmas is coming. Understand, I don't have TV access here, so I've missed out on all the commercials, sales, and other hype that normally surrounds me back in the States. We've been out of school now for 4 weeks (though I have been busy with school related stuff, just not necessarily classroom teaching). So the fact that Christms is in a week and a day hasn't really hit me [or a week, a day and an hour in this time zone...].
I should probably get off the internet and finish packing. I am doing a final load of laundry...not that most of it is going with me...not the right season for it...but it is always nice to come home to clean clothes and a clean room. So that's my project before going to bed...
Saturday, December 10, 2011
The Countdown is On...
In one week, I'll be a plane heading back to the States to spend Christmas with my family. That seems so surreal right now. Mentally, I know it's December, and that Christmas is coming, but it doesn't "feel" like winter. I didn't realize until now how much I depend on external clues to tell me that time has passed. Other than the fact that I've seen the moras (blackberries) grow up and ripen...well, not too much has changed. I've been here for almost five months. It seems very strange to say that. When I think about everything that has happened in that time, yes, I guess I can see how it's been that long. When I realize that I'm almost halfway through my time here...it seems way too short.
But regardless of my feelings on the matter, time is moving, and indeed, I will be heading to the States in a week. My schedule is already filling up, and I'm probably going to find myself posting on Facebook where I'm going to be for the day so people can find me. Facebook is a wonderful tool...it's made it really easy to keep in contact with people. Most of the days I'm back are already filled. Four and a half of those days are going to be a trip to Minnesota (Friday through Tuesday afternoon). It will be great to see everyone up there, since the last time I saw them all was last June. I'm going to be going into school on the first Tuesday I'm back, because they're still in session. I will be bringing cookies (so a couple of hours on Monday will be me making cookies to bring in...and thoroughly enjoying the luxury of baking with a convection oven, multiple airbake pans, and a KitchenAid mixer again...and not being overly concerned with the possibility of breaking open rotten eggs...). So Tuesday will be spent in LZ, and I'll probably be hitting up Starbucks there at some time (maybe Tuesday or maybe another day). Monday I get to see my cat again...I miss Loiosh at the strangest times. We'll see if she still recognizes me. Wednesday is currently open. [I feel like it's dangerous putting that on here, because I'm sure it means it will fill up.] It may turn into a day for me to go shopping and stock up on what I need to bring back down here...shampoo, beef jerky, toiletries, that sort of thing. Yes, beef jerky is on the list...because it's an easy source of protein, and I've had enough blood sugar problems where I need to make sure I'm getting enough protein. Plus, it's just good, and I haven't seen it sold down here. Thursday is more cookie making during the day (the "official" Christmas cookies with my mom and Val). It will probably feel like Christmas at that point.
So, in the next week I need to get organized and figure out what I have to bring home. The rest of my schedule being home will probably fill up. I’ll also need to finalize the list of things to bring back here, because I’m sure I won’t remember them all when I’m home…and then when I return, I’ll be kicking myself. Cleaning my room and classroom would also be good things to do, because it’s never fun to return to a mess. I’m pretty sure I cleaned “my” room back home before I left…that would be one of the guest bedrooms in my parents’ house where I was staying for the two months before I came down here…I’ll be staying there over Christmas, and also for a bit when I return, until my renter moves out. We haven’t set a date for that yet, because I still don’t know what day I’m returning.
In some ways I’m looking forward to being home. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing friends and family again. I’ve missed people down here. I’m looking forward to driving again, as dumb as that may sound (and driving on smooth roads…though maybe not driving in snow so much…). I haven’t driven at all while down here, and that’s probably a good thing, because I won’t try to transfer Honduran driving skills up to Illinois. At the same time, I’m sure it’s going to feel strange being there, and I’ll probably be ready to come back here at the end of the two weeks. It’s difficult feeling like you belong in two different places…and don’t totally belong in either one. Oh well, I’m looking forward to seeing you all back in the States. I’m sure this week will fly by (for me at least).
But regardless of my feelings on the matter, time is moving, and indeed, I will be heading to the States in a week. My schedule is already filling up, and I'm probably going to find myself posting on Facebook where I'm going to be for the day so people can find me. Facebook is a wonderful tool...it's made it really easy to keep in contact with people. Most of the days I'm back are already filled. Four and a half of those days are going to be a trip to Minnesota (Friday through Tuesday afternoon). It will be great to see everyone up there, since the last time I saw them all was last June. I'm going to be going into school on the first Tuesday I'm back, because they're still in session. I will be bringing cookies (so a couple of hours on Monday will be me making cookies to bring in...and thoroughly enjoying the luxury of baking with a convection oven, multiple airbake pans, and a KitchenAid mixer again...and not being overly concerned with the possibility of breaking open rotten eggs...). So Tuesday will be spent in LZ, and I'll probably be hitting up Starbucks there at some time (maybe Tuesday or maybe another day). Monday I get to see my cat again...I miss Loiosh at the strangest times. We'll see if she still recognizes me. Wednesday is currently open. [I feel like it's dangerous putting that on here, because I'm sure it means it will fill up.] It may turn into a day for me to go shopping and stock up on what I need to bring back down here...shampoo, beef jerky, toiletries, that sort of thing. Yes, beef jerky is on the list...because it's an easy source of protein, and I've had enough blood sugar problems where I need to make sure I'm getting enough protein. Plus, it's just good, and I haven't seen it sold down here. Thursday is more cookie making during the day (the "official" Christmas cookies with my mom and Val). It will probably feel like Christmas at that point.
So, in the next week I need to get organized and figure out what I have to bring home. The rest of my schedule being home will probably fill up. I’ll also need to finalize the list of things to bring back here, because I’m sure I won’t remember them all when I’m home…and then when I return, I’ll be kicking myself. Cleaning my room and classroom would also be good things to do, because it’s never fun to return to a mess. I’m pretty sure I cleaned “my” room back home before I left…that would be one of the guest bedrooms in my parents’ house where I was staying for the two months before I came down here…I’ll be staying there over Christmas, and also for a bit when I return, until my renter moves out. We haven’t set a date for that yet, because I still don’t know what day I’m returning.
In some ways I’m looking forward to being home. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing friends and family again. I’ve missed people down here. I’m looking forward to driving again, as dumb as that may sound (and driving on smooth roads…though maybe not driving in snow so much…). I haven’t driven at all while down here, and that’s probably a good thing, because I won’t try to transfer Honduran driving skills up to Illinois. At the same time, I’m sure it’s going to feel strange being there, and I’ll probably be ready to come back here at the end of the two weeks. It’s difficult feeling like you belong in two different places…and don’t totally belong in either one. Oh well, I’m looking forward to seeing you all back in the States. I’m sure this week will fly by (for me at least).
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving (a few days late…)
It really doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving has come and gone. Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday celebrated in Honduras, so for all the Hondurans it was just another work day. Some of the things I associate with Thanksgiving (besides the food – liver dumpling soup, bread dumplings with sweet and sour cabbage, cranberry drink and of course, turkey and stuffing) are waking up early to freeze while watching the guys in my church play flag football, time with family, searching the ads after the meal (but usually before dessert) and deciding yet again it’s not worth waking up super early on Black Friday. It’s still not cold here (not that I'm complaining, mind you), my family is in another country (though fortunately just a phone call away), and Black Friday probably would sound evil to most people down here (though we did see a poster advertising Black Friday sales...in English...wonder who their target audience was...).
This Thanksgiving was a little different. I slept in, first of all. Then I went into the city to an English-speaking church to celebrate. This church is comprised of a lot of missionaries from the States, as well as Hondurans, and people of other countries too. Think church potluck Thanksgiving, and you probably won’t be too far off. There were the traditional dishes (though sadly no liver dumpling soup), and then there was fried rice, some sort of pureed fruit casserole, and a few other dishes I would never think to see at Thanksgiving (though they were good).
After lunch, because I was in the city (read as “great cell phone coverage”) I called home, and talked with family there for about an hour. It still didn’t feel like Thanksgiving, necessarily, but it was nice to talk with people, and I know I get to see them all soon (in three weeks I’ll be in the States).
Things I’m thankful for…well, I’m definitely thankful that I got a chance to call home and talk with people. I’m thankful for technology, which has made living in a different country so much easier, because I can still stay connected with people back home. I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made here, the people I interact with. I’m thankful that God guided me here, and made it very obvious that I’m supposed to be here. Strange as it seems, it’s only been a year (and four days) since my first phone interview for coming down here. I’m thankful for my school back home – that they gave me a year off and guaranteed me a job when I return. I’m thankful for all the details that God worked out to get me here. I’m thankful for the friends I have back home who make an effort to keep in touch. I know how difficult that is, because out of sight really is out of mind sometimes. I’m thankful that I get to go home in a few weeks and see people there. I’m thankful that Spanish is starting to come a little more easily.
On that note…this past Wednesday night I went to a prayer meeting at my pastor’s house. My pastor speaks very little English, so it was run in Spanish. I actually understood most of what he said without translation, and was able to join in the conversation by the end of the night. This morning I didn’t have a translator for the service either, and I probably caught 80-90% of what he was saying (there were a few times my brain shut down, but I was usually able to pick up the train of thought shortly afterward). And I had a short conversation with the cashier when I purchased more “minutes” on my phone. [His comment, after explaining that he had to do separate transactions, was that I was spending a lot more than most people do. I explained that most of my phone calls are to the States, at which point he nodded and said it was a good reason. Calling home is cheaper using Tigo (the phone provider I have here) than it would be using my phone from home, but still an hour phone call goes through slightly more than L120 ($6.50)…so the L500 credit I got today gives me about an hour of phone time a week for a month. Comparatively speaking, an hour phone call using Verizon would be more than $100…probably close to $150, so I’ll take the $6.50.]
And now the question is whether I should write curriculum or write in my novel. I’m getting close to being done, which is good, because I need to be done by Dec. 1 (according to Nanowrimo rules). I’m over the word count I need, now I just need to finish the story.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Sunburn in November?
I think I managed to avoid it, actually, but it was close.
This past week has been an interesting one where school is concerned. Instead of finishing up with finals, like I'm accustomed to, we finish the year with celebrations...and cleaning. My last "normal" day of school was Tuesday. Wednesday we had the first class, and then activities, culminating in a soccer game with the visiting brigade (last one of the year). Then today, I was responsible for supervising a few of the students with cleaning three of the classrooms (and other teachers were responsible for other students and classrooms). After that, we had a Christmas party (and watched Elf). After lunch we headed up to the campo (soccer field) for games. I figured I was going to sit on the sidelines, read more of my Spanish homework, and watch occasionally. I ended up participating, initially against my wishes. And while the morning had been overcast and rainy, the sun came out shortly before we got up to the campo...and while I brought bug spray, I didn't think to put sunscreen in my bag. The bug spray was used and appreciated by multiple people. I think I did manage to avoid actually getting burned...but my face and arms definitely have more color than they did this morning. And there were a few bugs that managed to get past the spray...but only a few.
This afternoon I spent the time playing catch up with my Spanish homework - reading a book in Spanish (or part of a book) and writing in my journal in Spanish. Evidently I did well, because my teacher told me that she's only going to speak with me in Spanish from now on. My initial response to her (in Spanish) was if there are other people around who don't speak Spanish, it would be rude...and I'll need to make sure I'm always around those who don't speak Spanish (I have a few people to choose from there). After class I told her that if she wants to talk with me in Spanish, that's fine, it probably will help me a lot. But just the thought of only operating in Spanish is a little intimidating. I want to get to that point...but at the same time I want to have the safety net to fall back on. My personality type...I can be something of an intellectual diletante...and once I get good enough at something where I know I could gain proficiency, it's no longer as important and I move on. This would get me past the "good enough" point. I want to get past that point...so while my first impulse was to object, I know I should encourage it.
Tomorrow is graduation, and then...freedom...well, after a fashion. I will have more flexibility in my schedule, but next week starts probably four weeks of curriculum development, not to mention tutoring. I'm sure I'll have other things going on as well. I leave for home exactly one month from today (or 4 weeks from Saturday). That will be a whirlwind by itself, I'm sure. I'm trying to come up with a schedule for what I'm doing each day...which will probably be the only way that I get to see everyone ("everyone" is a fairly loose term there). I'll be at LGCC the first Sunday (Dec. 18th), probably go into school and then spend the rest of the day at Starbucks in LZ sometime that week (Tuesday maybe?)...we're going up to Minnesota for Christmas, and I don't know what else yet. But for now I have 4 weeks in which I will probably do a good job of keeping myself busy...and I have 12 more days to finish my novel. Which I may work on tonight before going to bed...or I may forget it, go to bed, and work on it tomorrow after graduation.
This past week has been an interesting one where school is concerned. Instead of finishing up with finals, like I'm accustomed to, we finish the year with celebrations...and cleaning. My last "normal" day of school was Tuesday. Wednesday we had the first class, and then activities, culminating in a soccer game with the visiting brigade (last one of the year). Then today, I was responsible for supervising a few of the students with cleaning three of the classrooms (and other teachers were responsible for other students and classrooms). After that, we had a Christmas party (and watched Elf). After lunch we headed up to the campo (soccer field) for games. I figured I was going to sit on the sidelines, read more of my Spanish homework, and watch occasionally. I ended up participating, initially against my wishes. And while the morning had been overcast and rainy, the sun came out shortly before we got up to the campo...and while I brought bug spray, I didn't think to put sunscreen in my bag. The bug spray was used and appreciated by multiple people. I think I did manage to avoid actually getting burned...but my face and arms definitely have more color than they did this morning. And there were a few bugs that managed to get past the spray...but only a few.
This afternoon I spent the time playing catch up with my Spanish homework - reading a book in Spanish (or part of a book) and writing in my journal in Spanish. Evidently I did well, because my teacher told me that she's only going to speak with me in Spanish from now on. My initial response to her (in Spanish) was if there are other people around who don't speak Spanish, it would be rude...and I'll need to make sure I'm always around those who don't speak Spanish (I have a few people to choose from there). After class I told her that if she wants to talk with me in Spanish, that's fine, it probably will help me a lot. But just the thought of only operating in Spanish is a little intimidating. I want to get to that point...but at the same time I want to have the safety net to fall back on. My personality type...I can be something of an intellectual diletante...and once I get good enough at something where I know I could gain proficiency, it's no longer as important and I move on. This would get me past the "good enough" point. I want to get past that point...so while my first impulse was to object, I know I should encourage it.
Tomorrow is graduation, and then...freedom...well, after a fashion. I will have more flexibility in my schedule, but next week starts probably four weeks of curriculum development, not to mention tutoring. I'm sure I'll have other things going on as well. I leave for home exactly one month from today (or 4 weeks from Saturday). That will be a whirlwind by itself, I'm sure. I'm trying to come up with a schedule for what I'm doing each day...which will probably be the only way that I get to see everyone ("everyone" is a fairly loose term there). I'll be at LGCC the first Sunday (Dec. 18th), probably go into school and then spend the rest of the day at Starbucks in LZ sometime that week (Tuesday maybe?)...we're going up to Minnesota for Christmas, and I don't know what else yet. But for now I have 4 weeks in which I will probably do a good job of keeping myself busy...and I have 12 more days to finish my novel. Which I may work on tonight before going to bed...or I may forget it, go to bed, and work on it tomorrow after graduation.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Mi Clase de Español
I promised a few people I wouldn't write these blogs in Spanish, so I won't, don't worry.
One of the things I really wanted coming down here was to become fluent, or at least proficient, in Spanish. Considering how much I've traveled to Spanish-speaking countries, I figured it's a good skill to have, not to mention the fact that I'm going to be here for a year in total.
At this point I'm three and a half months into my time here, and I've progressed a little bit in Spanish (mostly on being able to understand other people when they speak, which, granted, is a huge first step). But I still haven't spoken much Spanish...I'm not forced to, because nearly everyone on the Ranch speaks English, and those that don't I can normally get by with the limited Spanish I have, and if I'm desperate, get one of the students to translate. Going to church forces me to at least listen in Spanish (unless I feel like being lazy and totally rely on the translator). I got together with one of my students a handful of times and she helped me a bit, but life got busy and we stopped that.
A few weeks ago (or maybe a month ago, I don't remember), a new Honduran teacher moved to the Ranch. She is bilingual (not all the Honduran teachers are - they teach the students in Spanish), and somewhere along the line she was willing to start a Spanish conversation "class"...basically a group of us get together and spend the time conversing, mostly in Spanish, so we can practice. Last night was my first night going to the class (I just found out about it a week ago, I don't know how long it's been going). I was nervous walking into it. I know I can read well in Spanish, but I don't have much confidence at all in my conversational skills [in Spanish or in English!].
I didn't really have anything to be nervous about...the class went really well. We spent two and a half hours talking, mostly in Spanish, with some English thrown in. At one point my teacher looked at me and the girl sitting next to me on the couch and asked us why we don't normally speak in Spanish, because we definitely know enough to converse at this point. For me, it's one part uncertainty and one part fear.
I'm accustomed to knowing what I'm doing, and having a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about. And hopefully there will come a time when that translates into Spanish as well as English, but for now, I don't trust myself speaking in Spanish. When I'm talking with people who only understand Spanish, the need to communicate can override the uncertainty...I'll take a stab at speaking because the other option is to sit in silence, but when I'm talking with someone (like my students) who understand both, and who know English much better than I know Spanish, I usually revert to English. Hopefully I can force myself to stop that. I'm getting to know one of my girls better, we've spent some time together, and with her I may be comfortable enough to try speaking in Spanish.
It was encouraging for my teacher to ask me why I don't speak in Spanish, because it implied that I could. Now I just need to get over myself and be willing to make mistakes and look like a fool in front of people...which for me is very difficult...but it's necessary if I want to get past where I'm at right now. I'm not going to improve if I'm not willing to take some risks here.
One of the things I really wanted coming down here was to become fluent, or at least proficient, in Spanish. Considering how much I've traveled to Spanish-speaking countries, I figured it's a good skill to have, not to mention the fact that I'm going to be here for a year in total.
At this point I'm three and a half months into my time here, and I've progressed a little bit in Spanish (mostly on being able to understand other people when they speak, which, granted, is a huge first step). But I still haven't spoken much Spanish...I'm not forced to, because nearly everyone on the Ranch speaks English, and those that don't I can normally get by with the limited Spanish I have, and if I'm desperate, get one of the students to translate. Going to church forces me to at least listen in Spanish (unless I feel like being lazy and totally rely on the translator). I got together with one of my students a handful of times and she helped me a bit, but life got busy and we stopped that.
A few weeks ago (or maybe a month ago, I don't remember), a new Honduran teacher moved to the Ranch. She is bilingual (not all the Honduran teachers are - they teach the students in Spanish), and somewhere along the line she was willing to start a Spanish conversation "class"...basically a group of us get together and spend the time conversing, mostly in Spanish, so we can practice. Last night was my first night going to the class (I just found out about it a week ago, I don't know how long it's been going). I was nervous walking into it. I know I can read well in Spanish, but I don't have much confidence at all in my conversational skills [in Spanish or in English!].
I didn't really have anything to be nervous about...the class went really well. We spent two and a half hours talking, mostly in Spanish, with some English thrown in. At one point my teacher looked at me and the girl sitting next to me on the couch and asked us why we don't normally speak in Spanish, because we definitely know enough to converse at this point. For me, it's one part uncertainty and one part fear.
I'm accustomed to knowing what I'm doing, and having a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about. And hopefully there will come a time when that translates into Spanish as well as English, but for now, I don't trust myself speaking in Spanish. When I'm talking with people who only understand Spanish, the need to communicate can override the uncertainty...I'll take a stab at speaking because the other option is to sit in silence, but when I'm talking with someone (like my students) who understand both, and who know English much better than I know Spanish, I usually revert to English. Hopefully I can force myself to stop that. I'm getting to know one of my girls better, we've spent some time together, and with her I may be comfortable enough to try speaking in Spanish.
It was encouraging for my teacher to ask me why I don't speak in Spanish, because it implied that I could. Now I just need to get over myself and be willing to make mistakes and look like a fool in front of people...which for me is very difficult...but it's necessary if I want to get past where I'm at right now. I'm not going to improve if I'm not willing to take some risks here.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
And There ARE Good Days
I hate leaving depressing posts up for too long. Not that it was necessarily depressing as much as it was just reality, and some times reality isn't flowers, hearts, bunny rabbits, and rainbows. But the past twenty-four plus hours were definitely an encouragement.
First, I do have to mention the e-mail responses I got back from my newsletter, because hearing from people back home is always awesome. It makes my day to know that people at home are thinking of me (even if they're just thinking of me because they opened their inbox and found a page-long e-mail from me). I appreciate it a lot, so thank you (and keep them coming).
Yesterday was relaxing. I read a little. I went to the dentist...for admittedly the first time in a while...and the dentists were from home...the next town over or so from me, so while I was laying there with my mouth open we talked about home (well, they talked...you know how it is). And no cavities, which was nice. Maybe not so relaxing, but nice. I watched a movie with my roommate. And, I got invited to play Settlers of Catan with some of the other people on the Ranch. I've been invited once or twice before but never went. Well, yesterday I figured it sounded like fun (and it was). The game "started" at 8...rather board set-up started at 8, which for those of you who play know something of how that goes...and we weren't playing the original, we were playing with an expansion set, which includes building ships to explore the ocean...so the set-up was a little more involved than usual. But still, fun was had and the game eventually ended shortly after 11. When I was walking home, I noticed it seemed rather bright out and looked up to a rather spectacular display of stars. It was a completely clear night...much clearer than we've had lately. So after I got home I put on a sweatshirt (it was a little chilly out), went back out and spent another 10 to 15 minutes wandering around and staring at the stars. The moon was bright enough that I didn't even use the flashlight I had brought with me.
Today, driving in to church in the busito also was good. On the way, we pick up a family who lives about a mile or so from the Ranch. Bienvenida almost always comes, and some of her children and grandchildren...which changes from week to week. At times there are two or three people we're picking up, at times there are six. Today it was Bienvenida, three of her children (she has 8 or 9 I think...but I don't know for sure), and two grandchildren. One of them, Valeria, comes often...and today she was the first one on the busito, and picked the seat next to me. She just turned two last week, and she's adorable...just saying. Within ten minutes, Valeria started nodding off, and leaning against my side...which with the bounciness of the busito didn't really seem that comfortable for her, so I picked her up and put her in my lap...and she promptly fell asleep. She slept until after we were in the city (while we were picking up other people...it's a 15 passenger busito...and usually it's pretty full by time we get to church). There's something restful about a child sleeping in your lap. And considering Valeria was super shy and refused to make eye contact with me for the first month or so after I got here, it was encouraging. [After church I got a chance to hold Bienvenida's other granddaughter, who is 4 months old. She fell asleep against my shoulder...it took her about three minutes after we left the church. She slept all the way to the mall, where we stopped to eat...about 15 minutes later...and considering all the babies I'm missing at home who were just born or will soon be born...yeah, a baby fix today was a good thing.]
All that to say, today was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be good as well. But for now...bed should probably happen sometime soon, because I do have school tomorrow...it's the beginning of the second-to-last week of school for the semester. No small amount of excitement there...it's just a matter of trying to end things at a "natural" stopping point. Hmm...about that...
First, I do have to mention the e-mail responses I got back from my newsletter, because hearing from people back home is always awesome. It makes my day to know that people at home are thinking of me (even if they're just thinking of me because they opened their inbox and found a page-long e-mail from me). I appreciate it a lot, so thank you (and keep them coming).
Yesterday was relaxing. I read a little. I went to the dentist...for admittedly the first time in a while...and the dentists were from home...the next town over or so from me, so while I was laying there with my mouth open we talked about home (well, they talked...you know how it is). And no cavities, which was nice. Maybe not so relaxing, but nice. I watched a movie with my roommate. And, I got invited to play Settlers of Catan with some of the other people on the Ranch. I've been invited once or twice before but never went. Well, yesterday I figured it sounded like fun (and it was). The game "started" at 8...rather board set-up started at 8, which for those of you who play know something of how that goes...and we weren't playing the original, we were playing with an expansion set, which includes building ships to explore the ocean...so the set-up was a little more involved than usual. But still, fun was had and the game eventually ended shortly after 11. When I was walking home, I noticed it seemed rather bright out and looked up to a rather spectacular display of stars. It was a completely clear night...much clearer than we've had lately. So after I got home I put on a sweatshirt (it was a little chilly out), went back out and spent another 10 to 15 minutes wandering around and staring at the stars. The moon was bright enough that I didn't even use the flashlight I had brought with me.
Today, driving in to church in the busito also was good. On the way, we pick up a family who lives about a mile or so from the Ranch. Bienvenida almost always comes, and some of her children and grandchildren...which changes from week to week. At times there are two or three people we're picking up, at times there are six. Today it was Bienvenida, three of her children (she has 8 or 9 I think...but I don't know for sure), and two grandchildren. One of them, Valeria, comes often...and today she was the first one on the busito, and picked the seat next to me. She just turned two last week, and she's adorable...just saying. Within ten minutes, Valeria started nodding off, and leaning against my side...which with the bounciness of the busito didn't really seem that comfortable for her, so I picked her up and put her in my lap...and she promptly fell asleep. She slept until after we were in the city (while we were picking up other people...it's a 15 passenger busito...and usually it's pretty full by time we get to church). There's something restful about a child sleeping in your lap. And considering Valeria was super shy and refused to make eye contact with me for the first month or so after I got here, it was encouraging. [After church I got a chance to hold Bienvenida's other granddaughter, who is 4 months old. She fell asleep against my shoulder...it took her about three minutes after we left the church. She slept all the way to the mall, where we stopped to eat...about 15 minutes later...and considering all the babies I'm missing at home who were just born or will soon be born...yeah, a baby fix today was a good thing.]
All that to say, today was a good day. Hopefully tomorrow will be good as well. But for now...bed should probably happen sometime soon, because I do have school tomorrow...it's the beginning of the second-to-last week of school for the semester. No small amount of excitement there...it's just a matter of trying to end things at a "natural" stopping point. Hmm...about that...
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I'm Ready to Get Off the Emotional Rollercoaster
Anytime now...
It's been an interesting month, filled with ups and downs. One day I'm fine, the next day I'm super homesick. Then I'm happy, then frustrated with things. I'm pretty sure in the three plus months I've been down here I've run a wider gamut of emotions than I have in the last five years.
Building new relationships takes work, and it hurts sometimes. At home, most of my friends have known me for years, and by this point they know my limitations, they know how to read me, whether I'm taking something as a joke or taking something personally. They know if I'm joking or serious (well, some of the time). They know what I'm interested in and what I like to do. And I know the same about them. I know how to push their buttons and how to avoid those buttons. I know what topics will set them off, and what they need to talk about. And I'm so comfortable in those relationships, that I forget how much you have to learn about other people in building relationships, because that knowledge didn't come automatically. How do you find out what sets someone off...by accidently doing so. [Sometimes they tell you ahead of time, but even then, often it takes experience to remember those things.] A lot of grace has to be extended when you're getting to know someone...and I'm trying, but sometimes it's more difficult than others. And living in close confines while this is going on exacerbates the issues at times.
Most good relationships I have at home were built over months and sometimes years of acquaintance. Here, I don't have that luxury. I'm being stretched in this and I'm not comfortable with it. [Then again, I know God never called us to be comfortable.] The more uncomfortable I get, the more I want to hop on a plane and go home...and the more I know I need to stay here and work through it. Which means that there have been a few times when I've been pretty miserable, lonely, and just weary.
There are things going on at home that don't help me much with this process either. Progress is happening on my grandpa's house, and I'm missing it. I spent many hours and a lot of sweat working on that house. And while it's good to see pictures of how the progress is coming, there's part of me that wishes I was there, however weird that sounds. I found out a few weeks ago that I'm going to be an aunt - my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child. And I'm going to miss this whole process, the baby showers, the preparations, etc. When I come home in June, I'll have a little niece or nephew. A beautiful thing...but so much that I'm missing. And when I'm struggling with relationships here, or when misunderstandings come up, that's what I focus on...what I'm missing at home.
I use personal space as my buffer. At home, when something happens that causes me to react emotionally, I'll retreat and think about it and work through it until I can see it dispassionately or logically, and then decide how to react. At home, if I need to avoid someone for a few days until that happens, usually I can. Here, not so much, so I find myself operating more with my emotions than usual. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but again it's an uncomfortable thing for me.
And then there are days like yesterday, where emotions are all over the place. Yesterday was the second anniversary of my grandfather's "heavenly birthday" as my aunt puts it. November 4, 2009 he went to be with the Lord (and all his family and friends who had gone before him). I knew the anniversary was coming, I was trying to emotionally prepare for it, but there isn't much you can do about it. This week I've been more emotionally raw than usual. And then yesterday morning I checked facebook...and found that my cousins (on that side of the family) had their little baby girl born yesterday, on that anniversary. Little baby Miranda is the first great grandchild in that family (though three more are coming in the next six months). It was an interesting day - joy and sorrow intermingled.
And all of that is happening at home and I'm still here...where I know I'm supposed to be, but at times that doesn't make it any easier. I know I'm here for a reason. Part of that reason may be God teaching me how to work through relationships and emotions as opposed to just ignoring them until I have a chance to think about it. [And there are many good things happening too, please don't misunderstand me...I just don't struggle with those...maybe I'll talk about those in my next blog entry so it doesn't seem like I think my life is awful. :-)]
It's been an interesting month, filled with ups and downs. One day I'm fine, the next day I'm super homesick. Then I'm happy, then frustrated with things. I'm pretty sure in the three plus months I've been down here I've run a wider gamut of emotions than I have in the last five years.
Building new relationships takes work, and it hurts sometimes. At home, most of my friends have known me for years, and by this point they know my limitations, they know how to read me, whether I'm taking something as a joke or taking something personally. They know if I'm joking or serious (well, some of the time). They know what I'm interested in and what I like to do. And I know the same about them. I know how to push their buttons and how to avoid those buttons. I know what topics will set them off, and what they need to talk about. And I'm so comfortable in those relationships, that I forget how much you have to learn about other people in building relationships, because that knowledge didn't come automatically. How do you find out what sets someone off...by accidently doing so. [Sometimes they tell you ahead of time, but even then, often it takes experience to remember those things.] A lot of grace has to be extended when you're getting to know someone...and I'm trying, but sometimes it's more difficult than others. And living in close confines while this is going on exacerbates the issues at times.
Most good relationships I have at home were built over months and sometimes years of acquaintance. Here, I don't have that luxury. I'm being stretched in this and I'm not comfortable with it. [Then again, I know God never called us to be comfortable.] The more uncomfortable I get, the more I want to hop on a plane and go home...and the more I know I need to stay here and work through it. Which means that there have been a few times when I've been pretty miserable, lonely, and just weary.
There are things going on at home that don't help me much with this process either. Progress is happening on my grandpa's house, and I'm missing it. I spent many hours and a lot of sweat working on that house. And while it's good to see pictures of how the progress is coming, there's part of me that wishes I was there, however weird that sounds. I found out a few weeks ago that I'm going to be an aunt - my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child. And I'm going to miss this whole process, the baby showers, the preparations, etc. When I come home in June, I'll have a little niece or nephew. A beautiful thing...but so much that I'm missing. And when I'm struggling with relationships here, or when misunderstandings come up, that's what I focus on...what I'm missing at home.
I use personal space as my buffer. At home, when something happens that causes me to react emotionally, I'll retreat and think about it and work through it until I can see it dispassionately or logically, and then decide how to react. At home, if I need to avoid someone for a few days until that happens, usually I can. Here, not so much, so I find myself operating more with my emotions than usual. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but again it's an uncomfortable thing for me.
And then there are days like yesterday, where emotions are all over the place. Yesterday was the second anniversary of my grandfather's "heavenly birthday" as my aunt puts it. November 4, 2009 he went to be with the Lord (and all his family and friends who had gone before him). I knew the anniversary was coming, I was trying to emotionally prepare for it, but there isn't much you can do about it. This week I've been more emotionally raw than usual. And then yesterday morning I checked facebook...and found that my cousins (on that side of the family) had their little baby girl born yesterday, on that anniversary. Little baby Miranda is the first great grandchild in that family (though three more are coming in the next six months). It was an interesting day - joy and sorrow intermingled.
And all of that is happening at home and I'm still here...where I know I'm supposed to be, but at times that doesn't make it any easier. I know I'm here for a reason. Part of that reason may be God teaching me how to work through relationships and emotions as opposed to just ignoring them until I have a chance to think about it. [And there are many good things happening too, please don't misunderstand me...I just don't struggle with those...maybe I'll talk about those in my next blog entry so it doesn't seem like I think my life is awful. :-)]
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Lessons Relearned...
I've kept a journal sporadically from the time I was 12. From time to time I look through them (but I haven't done so for about 4 or 5 years at this point...I may have to do that after I get home). With the advent of technology and the internet there are other ways to record your thoughts. Every (school) year, I keep a journal in a (password protected) document on my computer, as well as paper journals I write in, because there is something about physically holding a pen...and writing in fun colors...even if it takes longer.
And then there are the online journals and blogs...I had a Xanga account for about 4 years, and about a month and a half ago I went through that and copied out some of the more interesting or funny posts. And from time to time I write a note on Facebook. I was bored today (weekends tend to be pretty low-key around here) so I went back and started reading old notes. Here is an excerpt from one of them that spoke to me again as I was reading through it...especially in light of what I'm doing right now. For those of you who are friends with me on facebook, the original note was written September 27, 2008...if you want to read it in its entirety:
And then there are the online journals and blogs...I had a Xanga account for about 4 years, and about a month and a half ago I went through that and copied out some of the more interesting or funny posts. And from time to time I write a note on Facebook. I was bored today (weekends tend to be pretty low-key around here) so I went back and started reading old notes. Here is an excerpt from one of them that spoke to me again as I was reading through it...especially in light of what I'm doing right now. For those of you who are friends with me on facebook, the original note was written September 27, 2008...if you want to read it in its entirety:
I was listening to an FFH cd in my car while I was driving tonight, and this song came on. Now I know the song. I'm singing along with the song. And then I started listening to and thinking about what I was singing. And I repeated the song a few times as the message sank in. Because I think it was a message I needed to hear. So I'm going to write a few portions of the song here (with apologies to the band) and kind of what my thought process was...
Have I ever told you that I love the way you turned out
Have I ever told you that I've been watching and I'm so proud
How often do I tell people what I love about them? And not in a cheesy, corny way, but sincerely. How often do I vocalize my appreciation for other people? Um, not much. If at all. (Yes, they were sentence fragments, deal with it...). Honestly, in a culture that is so focused on itself and/or those who stand out in physical/athletic/entertainment/financial ways...how often do people who are very generous daily get recognized. I'm not talking about those who give millions of dollars (out of their billions of dollars)...I'm talking about those who take their time, which is precious, to reach out to someone else. People who give of what they don't have much of to help those who need it. People who are kind just because...because that's who Jesus is. People who live God's love day in and day out, who would rather not be recognized in front of millions but recognized in front of God. Who live to hear "well done good and faithful servant" at the end of all things. The people who make my life bearable, who have helped me through my struggles just by being an example, a reminder that there is good in this world and there are people who care. And they do it without thanks or recognition. They do it because God is living in them and they have surrendered to His leading.
In the end of the song, that's where it goes...
But I believe there is hope for me, and it's going to take some time
There's a God who sees what's inside of me, I know He can change my mind
There aren't words to describe how unmerited and miraculous this process is. Looking back on where God has taken me in the last 14 years astonishes me. What's more astonishing is I was dragging my feet most of the way, and I still got here (not that I have arrived anywhere in particular yet...). I still drag my feet at times...most of the time. And I don't know where I'm heading...but He does.
And to totally go in another direction (kind of connected to that last thought...where I'm heading) I was reading through Psalm 119 because we're going through it in church. Psalm 119:105 - "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." I realized that this description is more appropriate than I ever considered. Because if you truly are in a dark, dark area and you have a flashlight, it doesn't light up much. It will light a few steps in front of you clearly so you can see where you're walking, but it doesn't do much to light up your destination. And that seems to be how God works. We know where our destination is, but on this path that we're walking we only get to see the step or two that's ahead of us. We don't see the twists and turns to come, the heartaches, blessings, trials, joys, etc. He shows us the next step, and we have to trust that He will be with us along the way to help us through the obstacles. Through those obstacles we learn how best to walk the path. We learn how to stay close to Him when we feel like we know how we want to walk, or when rabbit trails come along that we want to follow. We may learn to see potential pitfalls or temptations more clearly and keep to the middle of the path. Another thing with always looking just at the step or two ahead of you...you don't realize when you're going uphill or downhill too much. You may notice a bit...the going may be a little easier or harder, but if you're just focusing on where to put your feet next you can scale a hill higher than you would have dared had you known what was coming. God never promised to show us the future...he promised to walk with us, to help us, encourage us...and He promised that He has plans for us, plans to give us hope...the hope of a life forever with Him. Honestly, looking back on some of the things I've gone through, I'm glad I didn't know they were coming. Because I probably would have tried to find a way around them...but God can use our trials and sufferings for His good. And while they weren't fun times and I never want to go through much of that again...I'm not sorry for those experiences, because I know they have made me into more of who my Father wants me to be, the woman He created me to be. And I doubt the road ahead will be smooth. But whatever He brings me to, He will bring me through.
So here I am today...three years farther down that road. There have been more twists, turns, hills and valleys. Had you told me when I wrote that note that within three years I would have packed up and moved to Honduras I probably wouldn't have believed you. If you were to tell me today what my life will be like in another three years or five years...who knows if I would believe you either. Even when we want to know how something is going to turn out (I could name a few things going on in my life right now that I'd LOVE to see how things will work), God doesn't tell us that...he just shows us what to do in the next step. And we have to trust that he has the destination in mind, he knows where we're heading, and he can carry us through anything. Just do the good set in front of you to do...you don't have the concentrate on the whole picture, because you can't see the whole picture...the big picture isn't your responsibility. But you can focus on what you're given to do, and doing that to the glory of God.
Have I ever told you that I love the way you turned out
Have I ever told you that I've been watching and I'm so proud
How often do I tell people what I love about them? And not in a cheesy, corny way, but sincerely. How often do I vocalize my appreciation for other people? Um, not much. If at all. (Yes, they were sentence fragments, deal with it...). Honestly, in a culture that is so focused on itself and/or those who stand out in physical/athletic/entertainment/financial ways...how often do people who are very generous daily get recognized. I'm not talking about those who give millions of dollars (out of their billions of dollars)...I'm talking about those who take their time, which is precious, to reach out to someone else. People who give of what they don't have much of to help those who need it. People who are kind just because...because that's who Jesus is. People who live God's love day in and day out, who would rather not be recognized in front of millions but recognized in front of God. Who live to hear "well done good and faithful servant" at the end of all things. The people who make my life bearable, who have helped me through my struggles just by being an example, a reminder that there is good in this world and there are people who care. And they do it without thanks or recognition. They do it because God is living in them and they have surrendered to His leading.
In the end of the song, that's where it goes...
But I believe there is hope for me, and it's going to take some time
There's a God who sees what's inside of me, I know He can change my mind
There aren't words to describe how unmerited and miraculous this process is. Looking back on where God has taken me in the last 14 years astonishes me. What's more astonishing is I was dragging my feet most of the way, and I still got here (not that I have arrived anywhere in particular yet...). I still drag my feet at times...most of the time. And I don't know where I'm heading...but He does.
And to totally go in another direction (kind of connected to that last thought...where I'm heading) I was reading through Psalm 119 because we're going through it in church. Psalm 119:105 - "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." I realized that this description is more appropriate than I ever considered. Because if you truly are in a dark, dark area and you have a flashlight, it doesn't light up much. It will light a few steps in front of you clearly so you can see where you're walking, but it doesn't do much to light up your destination. And that seems to be how God works. We know where our destination is, but on this path that we're walking we only get to see the step or two that's ahead of us. We don't see the twists and turns to come, the heartaches, blessings, trials, joys, etc. He shows us the next step, and we have to trust that He will be with us along the way to help us through the obstacles. Through those obstacles we learn how best to walk the path. We learn how to stay close to Him when we feel like we know how we want to walk, or when rabbit trails come along that we want to follow. We may learn to see potential pitfalls or temptations more clearly and keep to the middle of the path. Another thing with always looking just at the step or two ahead of you...you don't realize when you're going uphill or downhill too much. You may notice a bit...the going may be a little easier or harder, but if you're just focusing on where to put your feet next you can scale a hill higher than you would have dared had you known what was coming. God never promised to show us the future...he promised to walk with us, to help us, encourage us...and He promised that He has plans for us, plans to give us hope...the hope of a life forever with Him. Honestly, looking back on some of the things I've gone through, I'm glad I didn't know they were coming. Because I probably would have tried to find a way around them...but God can use our trials and sufferings for His good. And while they weren't fun times and I never want to go through much of that again...I'm not sorry for those experiences, because I know they have made me into more of who my Father wants me to be, the woman He created me to be. And I doubt the road ahead will be smooth. But whatever He brings me to, He will bring me through.
So here I am today...three years farther down that road. There have been more twists, turns, hills and valleys. Had you told me when I wrote that note that within three years I would have packed up and moved to Honduras I probably wouldn't have believed you. If you were to tell me today what my life will be like in another three years or five years...who knows if I would believe you either. Even when we want to know how something is going to turn out (I could name a few things going on in my life right now that I'd LOVE to see how things will work), God doesn't tell us that...he just shows us what to do in the next step. And we have to trust that he has the destination in mind, he knows where we're heading, and he can carry us through anything. Just do the good set in front of you to do...you don't have the concentrate on the whole picture, because you can't see the whole picture...the big picture isn't your responsibility. But you can focus on what you're given to do, and doing that to the glory of God.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Bumps in the Road
The title is meant both literally and figuratively. Last week was rough physically, mentally and emotionally. You know those times when it feels like the whole world is conspiring against you and all your friends have ditched you...yeah, those times? That's what last week felt like to me. Or maybe I ditched my friends, I don't know...I mean granted I did leave most of them behind...but between battling homesickness, twisting my ankle, and going back to being a social recluse for a few days, fighting with the internet constantly, or so it seemed, trying to get a couple of students up to speed on things because they royally bombed a test...it wasn't a good week.
Things started looking up on Sunday, I got a chance to talk with a few people from back home for a while, both on the phone and online, and that helped a lot. On Monday, we had the day off of school for Columbus Day (I know, it was a week "late"), and sleeping in and spending the day relaxing (and preparing for Family Night) was appreciated. I made rolls and chocolate chip cookies for dinner (and Melody made pasta and Rachel made the salad). But I got a lot of baking done, and it was good times. I made rolls again yesterday after school because for some reason they all mysteriously disappeared. I'll probably have to make them again this weekend. I don't mind, it's kind of fun...and they're so much better than store bought bread down here. And between yesterday and today I watched the entire first season of Burn Notice (only 12 episodes long, it's not that big of an accomplishment). I have seen more TV shows down here (via seasons) than I ever watched back home...than I ever had TIME to watch back home. The last couple of days have gone well, and I'm doing much better now than I was last week, so that's definitely encouraging. Considering that Saturday was the first time I've been homesick enough where I wanted to get a plane ticket and fly home, and I've been here 3 months as of tomorrow, that's probably not doing too badly all told.
My initial tourist visa (which expires tomorrow) has been extended for two months, and residency has been applied for. This means that I won't have to worry about anything in terms of legally staying here until the end of March, because the two month extension takes me to my flight home for Christmas, and after I return, if I don't have residency yet, I'll get a 3-month tourist visa again. I'm praying it doesn't come to that, and the cards show up relatively quickly.
As for the literal bumps in the road...well, apparently we're getting the backlash of Hurricane Jova coming in, and it's basically been constantly raining, misting or drizzling for the past four or five days, and it's supposed to continue for the foreseeable future (the rest of the week at least). The roads are basically bumpy, potholed, mud pits. This past Sunday, the busito (15 passenger van) couldn't make it up one of the hills. We tried three times. In the end, one of the house parents (who has a 4-wheel drive vehicle...but is definitely smaller than the busito) ended up towing us back to the Ranch. It was really funny to see, I'm sure (especially as people who were standing on the side of the road as we passed often started laughing at us). But we made it back safely, and that's all that matters. And we've already gotten an e-mail saying that likely, no church for us on Sunday...though a few of the people may be going in, so if we're desperate for groceries, we can get them a list. But mostly, get comfortable here for a while. :-)
Things started looking up on Sunday, I got a chance to talk with a few people from back home for a while, both on the phone and online, and that helped a lot. On Monday, we had the day off of school for Columbus Day (I know, it was a week "late"), and sleeping in and spending the day relaxing (and preparing for Family Night) was appreciated. I made rolls and chocolate chip cookies for dinner (and Melody made pasta and Rachel made the salad). But I got a lot of baking done, and it was good times. I made rolls again yesterday after school because for some reason they all mysteriously disappeared. I'll probably have to make them again this weekend. I don't mind, it's kind of fun...and they're so much better than store bought bread down here. And between yesterday and today I watched the entire first season of Burn Notice (only 12 episodes long, it's not that big of an accomplishment). I have seen more TV shows down here (via seasons) than I ever watched back home...than I ever had TIME to watch back home. The last couple of days have gone well, and I'm doing much better now than I was last week, so that's definitely encouraging. Considering that Saturday was the first time I've been homesick enough where I wanted to get a plane ticket and fly home, and I've been here 3 months as of tomorrow, that's probably not doing too badly all told.
My initial tourist visa (which expires tomorrow) has been extended for two months, and residency has been applied for. This means that I won't have to worry about anything in terms of legally staying here until the end of March, because the two month extension takes me to my flight home for Christmas, and after I return, if I don't have residency yet, I'll get a 3-month tourist visa again. I'm praying it doesn't come to that, and the cards show up relatively quickly.
As for the literal bumps in the road...well, apparently we're getting the backlash of Hurricane Jova coming in, and it's basically been constantly raining, misting or drizzling for the past four or five days, and it's supposed to continue for the foreseeable future (the rest of the week at least). The roads are basically bumpy, potholed, mud pits. This past Sunday, the busito (15 passenger van) couldn't make it up one of the hills. We tried three times. In the end, one of the house parents (who has a 4-wheel drive vehicle...but is definitely smaller than the busito) ended up towing us back to the Ranch. It was really funny to see, I'm sure (especially as people who were standing on the side of the road as we passed often started laughing at us). But we made it back safely, and that's all that matters. And we've already gotten an e-mail saying that likely, no church for us on Sunday...though a few of the people may be going in, so if we're desperate for groceries, we can get them a list. But mostly, get comfortable here for a while. :-)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
It's been a full week...
I sat down tonight and figured it had been at least two weeks since I last updated...and then realized it was only last Tuesday...yes, the week felt that long. It wasn't like the week dragged by, it was more that so much happened in the week.
Wednesday we were able to go into the city, which was definitely needed. We got groceries, had pictures taken for residency cards (kind of like passports, you need to turn in pictures of yourself with your application). Hopefully that gets taken care of sometime this week because I'm running out of days on my tourist visa. Hard to believe I've been here almost 90 days already, but it's true. Anyway, we made it in and made it out of the city and back to the Ranch. After Kim dropped Melody and me off at our house she got stuck and couldn't make it up the hill again. A lot of mud and muscle later we had pushed the busito to firmer ground and it made it up the hill, but that was a funny and tiring proposition. But a successful trip nonetheless. Wednesday also stuff from home showed up, so I have my drivers' license, some sweatshirts and sweatpants here now. I've been very comfortable the last few days. :-)
Thursday after school I decided I wanted to make rolls because I'm getting tired of the bread down here, which seems to be half stale by time you buy it. So I made rolls...there are two left. They turned out well. I did share them, so the fact that 22 rolls disappeared in 3 days doesn't indicate anything about how many I've had. ;-) I probably will make more on Tuesday.
Friday I continued the desire to bake and I made cookies...chocolate chip cookies. Some of you know what recipe that is. Now, I'm doing both of these (bread and cookies) without the help of a Kitchen Aid (which is very helpful)...so my arms were a little tired by Friday night. But the cookies were worth it...and there are more of them left. They turned out pretty well for using unfamiliar brands and ingredients, no stand mixer, no cookie scoop, and only one air-bake pan. It does make me appreciate all my kitchen gadgets so much more! But I still will keep baking down here I'm sure...
Saturday started out really productive...I had an empty house and worked for about 6 hours straight and got a lot of "chores" done...cleaning, laundry, etc. Baking does accumulate a lot of dirty dishes...and I washed as I went along for the most part. But that's only the "most" part. I made myself pupusas for lunch, they turned out pretty well (and there are more dishes). About the time I finished up all of that, the guys next door got back from the city, so I went next door to see what they were up to. We ended up watching a few episodes of House (Jason has season 1) and then there was a "bonfire" w/ smores up at the kiosk. [It can't hold a candle to Nate's bonfires back home...but it was fire...] Oh, and I've probably watched more TV and been exposed to more TV shows and movies down here than I ever was in the States...more because there's not much else to do. So we all share our stuff...well, those who brought stuff down here with them. I'll probably be bringing a few of my favorites down here after Christmas.
Then today...wow...well, it started out when my alarm didn't go off and I woke up 15 minutes before we leave for church. I did make it to the busito on time, albeit with wet hair. It had dried by time we got to the city. I had blood sugar problems for most of the morning, probably because my breakfast was two rolls I grabbed as I walked out the door. After lunch it started to get better, I was mostly good by time we got back to the Ranch. We went shopping, got groceries, and managed to get back to the Ranch without getting stuck. This morning was rather sunny...but while we were standing outside PriceSmart waiting for everyone to finish up shopping and get to the busito we heard some really impressive thunder (and if I had been looking in the right direction, based on the flashes of light I could see, I'm guessing the lightning was impressive too!). It was raining for much of the drive back, but again, we still made it without a problem...Bienvenida spent much of the ride back praying as we approached hills (she was sitting next to me). That may have helped. :-)
And I get to go to school tomorrow, while all the teachers back home get Monday off. We are celebrating the "519th Anniversary of the Discovery of the Americas Day" next week Monday. To those in the States, that would translate into Columbus Day. We get it, just a week after you all. [Evidently I'm hanging out with too many people from the southern USA...because while I wrote "you all" what went through my head had a different accent on it...at least I didn't say all y'all. I am surrounded by a lot of southerners down here. It makes for some interesting conversations.]
Wednesday we were able to go into the city, which was definitely needed. We got groceries, had pictures taken for residency cards (kind of like passports, you need to turn in pictures of yourself with your application). Hopefully that gets taken care of sometime this week because I'm running out of days on my tourist visa. Hard to believe I've been here almost 90 days already, but it's true. Anyway, we made it in and made it out of the city and back to the Ranch. After Kim dropped Melody and me off at our house she got stuck and couldn't make it up the hill again. A lot of mud and muscle later we had pushed the busito to firmer ground and it made it up the hill, but that was a funny and tiring proposition. But a successful trip nonetheless. Wednesday also stuff from home showed up, so I have my drivers' license, some sweatshirts and sweatpants here now. I've been very comfortable the last few days. :-)
Thursday after school I decided I wanted to make rolls because I'm getting tired of the bread down here, which seems to be half stale by time you buy it. So I made rolls...there are two left. They turned out well. I did share them, so the fact that 22 rolls disappeared in 3 days doesn't indicate anything about how many I've had. ;-) I probably will make more on Tuesday.
Friday I continued the desire to bake and I made cookies...chocolate chip cookies. Some of you know what recipe that is. Now, I'm doing both of these (bread and cookies) without the help of a Kitchen Aid (which is very helpful)...so my arms were a little tired by Friday night. But the cookies were worth it...and there are more of them left. They turned out pretty well for using unfamiliar brands and ingredients, no stand mixer, no cookie scoop, and only one air-bake pan. It does make me appreciate all my kitchen gadgets so much more! But I still will keep baking down here I'm sure...
Saturday started out really productive...I had an empty house and worked for about 6 hours straight and got a lot of "chores" done...cleaning, laundry, etc. Baking does accumulate a lot of dirty dishes...and I washed as I went along for the most part. But that's only the "most" part. I made myself pupusas for lunch, they turned out pretty well (and there are more dishes). About the time I finished up all of that, the guys next door got back from the city, so I went next door to see what they were up to. We ended up watching a few episodes of House (Jason has season 1) and then there was a "bonfire" w/ smores up at the kiosk. [It can't hold a candle to Nate's bonfires back home...but it was fire...] Oh, and I've probably watched more TV and been exposed to more TV shows and movies down here than I ever was in the States...more because there's not much else to do. So we all share our stuff...well, those who brought stuff down here with them. I'll probably be bringing a few of my favorites down here after Christmas.
Then today...wow...well, it started out when my alarm didn't go off and I woke up 15 minutes before we leave for church. I did make it to the busito on time, albeit with wet hair. It had dried by time we got to the city. I had blood sugar problems for most of the morning, probably because my breakfast was two rolls I grabbed as I walked out the door. After lunch it started to get better, I was mostly good by time we got back to the Ranch. We went shopping, got groceries, and managed to get back to the Ranch without getting stuck. This morning was rather sunny...but while we were standing outside PriceSmart waiting for everyone to finish up shopping and get to the busito we heard some really impressive thunder (and if I had been looking in the right direction, based on the flashes of light I could see, I'm guessing the lightning was impressive too!). It was raining for much of the drive back, but again, we still made it without a problem...Bienvenida spent much of the ride back praying as we approached hills (she was sitting next to me). That may have helped. :-)
And I get to go to school tomorrow, while all the teachers back home get Monday off. We are celebrating the "519th Anniversary of the Discovery of the Americas Day" next week Monday. To those in the States, that would translate into Columbus Day. We get it, just a week after you all. [Evidently I'm hanging out with too many people from the southern USA...because while I wrote "you all" what went through my head had a different accent on it...at least I didn't say all y'all. I am surrounded by a lot of southerners down here. It makes for some interesting conversations.]
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
New Experiences...
I've been snowed in...but this is the first time I've been rained in. This weekend was something of a new experience. Saturday morning we got the message that all trips to and from the city were suspended...so we didn't got in for church or shopping on Sunday. It meant that I had a really lazy weekend. I didn't want to go outside because it was raining pretty much all weekend. It's a lot less fun than you might think to walk around in the rain when it's a little on the chilly side AND it's difficult to dry out when you get back inside because humidity everywhere is 100%.
Yesterday there was a soccer game...technically. There were 6 of us playing...so 3 on 3 without goalies. The soccer field was basically a mud puddle. It was a lot of fun...but I came home soaked and muddy. (Fortunately the dirt came out of my clothes...well for the most part.) It is still currently raining a bit. The sun tried to make an appearance earlier today. I think it's supposed to stop raining sometime over the next couple of days. Or at least it's supposed to stop raining so much...I'll believe it when I see it.
Yesterday there was a soccer game...technically. There were 6 of us playing...so 3 on 3 without goalies. The soccer field was basically a mud puddle. It was a lot of fun...but I came home soaked and muddy. (Fortunately the dirt came out of my clothes...well for the most part.) It is still currently raining a bit. The sun tried to make an appearance earlier today. I think it's supposed to stop raining sometime over the next couple of days. Or at least it's supposed to stop raining so much...I'll believe it when I see it.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Refiner's Fire...
It's been a rough week. At home, as most of you know, I'm busy. I'm always busy. Part of it is there are many things I care about - Campus life, church, school, family (including dealing with my grandpa's house), etc. And part of it is if I stay busy, I don't have time to think. It's an automatic "what do I have to do next" response. Here, I have a lot of time to think, and God has a lot of time to bring up areas where I need to let Him work. A large one that's been bugging me lately is in the area of self-esteem.
When it comes to many areas, I'm very confident. Teaching chemistry, I'm sure I can do that well...relationships with students, ditto. Remembering random, insignificant details...so much that it's scary at times. But once you get out of the realm of intelligence and into the areas of personal worth and value, I let past experiences and negative comments override what I know intellectually to be true. I heard somewhere that it takes at least 7 positive statements/compliments to negate 1 critical statement. If that's the case, I don't think I have any hope (said tongue in cheek...mostly). And going back to that scarily accurate memory...I remember them all...both the negative and the positive. For some reason, it is easier to remember the negative ones. Most of those statements were said by people who probably don't remember them now...who hopefully have grown up a bit. And thinking about it, the vast majority of comments that have been made to me in the last 10 years have been positive...but it's still so easy to dwell on the negative. I've been haunted a bit this week. It's led into some good conversations, and I think I'm starting to work through it...but it's not a fun process. Necessary, yes, if I want to be able to move on with my life, it is necessary. Enjoyable...not at all. I'm finding that many of those comments said to me a lifetime ago have stuck, and become something of an internal, silent mantra...one that I need to get rid of. And only God can do that.
In talking with one of my friends about this, she passed on a comment that someone had made to her about me a number of years ago. It was something along the lines of I have an exterior of stone and a heart of liquid gold. The problem is in breaking down that exterior...I'm pretty sure only God can do that.
Prayer would be appreciated. There is more involved here than I'm comfortable sharing on a public forum like this, but that's the gist of it. I'm talking with a few people about this right now and it's helping. I'm spending time praying about it, and it's helping. It's not going to be a quick process, but any progress is good, right?
When it comes to many areas, I'm very confident. Teaching chemistry, I'm sure I can do that well...relationships with students, ditto. Remembering random, insignificant details...so much that it's scary at times. But once you get out of the realm of intelligence and into the areas of personal worth and value, I let past experiences and negative comments override what I know intellectually to be true. I heard somewhere that it takes at least 7 positive statements/compliments to negate 1 critical statement. If that's the case, I don't think I have any hope (said tongue in cheek...mostly). And going back to that scarily accurate memory...I remember them all...both the negative and the positive. For some reason, it is easier to remember the negative ones. Most of those statements were said by people who probably don't remember them now...who hopefully have grown up a bit. And thinking about it, the vast majority of comments that have been made to me in the last 10 years have been positive...but it's still so easy to dwell on the negative. I've been haunted a bit this week. It's led into some good conversations, and I think I'm starting to work through it...but it's not a fun process. Necessary, yes, if I want to be able to move on with my life, it is necessary. Enjoyable...not at all. I'm finding that many of those comments said to me a lifetime ago have stuck, and become something of an internal, silent mantra...one that I need to get rid of. And only God can do that.
In talking with one of my friends about this, she passed on a comment that someone had made to her about me a number of years ago. It was something along the lines of I have an exterior of stone and a heart of liquid gold. The problem is in breaking down that exterior...I'm pretty sure only God can do that.
Prayer would be appreciated. There is more involved here than I'm comfortable sharing on a public forum like this, but that's the gist of it. I'm talking with a few people about this right now and it's helping. I'm spending time praying about it, and it's helping. It's not going to be a quick process, but any progress is good, right?
Monday, September 19, 2011
Fastest 4-day Weekend on Record...
Maybe not...but it sure didn't seem like 4 days off. Friday we didn't end up going out to Valle, because we couldn't find a driver. So I spent the day reading books, talking on facebook, etc...at least until the power went out early in the afternoon. I still spent some time reading, but a physical book rather than an electronic book. Friday night some of the graduates ended up coming in from the city to go to the party for Brayan and Yefrey the next day, so there was a bit of work to come up with places for them to sleep (or rather mattresses...fortunately someone was in the city and not coming back until Sunday, and another was covering a house, so it worked out in the end). Saturday started with a soccer game (well, the game went from 10 to 12). I played goalie almost the whole time (didn't take them long to put me in that position on a semi-permanent basis). We won...which makes it a good day, right. After we all cleaned up, we went to the bodega for the party. It was fun, I got to get to know a few people I hadn't had much chance to speak with before. They kept the generators running just long enough to show the slide show of pictures of the guys on the projector, then they cut the generators, but it was light enough outside (and not raining) that the lack of electricity wasn't a problem. The generators kicked in around 5 again, so I spent a little more time online talking with people...and then real power came on some time before the generators normally cut out (I think it was restored some time around 7:30 or so...at least that's when all the power flickered, which usually is the sign that the "real" power is back on).
Sunday (which was yesterday, difficult as that is for me to believe) was something of an adventure. My church down here was celebrating Day of the Child, so we met in a park in the city, had a service outside, and brought in food afterwards (pupusas...they're really good!). The park we went to was the same one where I had gone when I was down here in 2006 and 2008 on brigades...so it was a little emotional for me as I was walking around and remembering conversations with people from those trips. I spent the first 10 minutes there just wandering around and mostly shutting people out...but I got over it in time. I called home (5 bars of signal in the park...and no real issues with mosquitoes). After church I also got a chance to call Robin, which was nice, because one of the stronger memories I had was when we were both there in 2006 and we found a tree that kind of looked like a pineapple (the trunk was stubby and scaly, with giant fronds coming out the top). The tree is still there...it's grown a bit, but it still somewhat resembled the pineapple...so I knew it was the right one.
After church we went shopping (typical), and then we spent a bit of time over at visitation. Visitation happens once a month, and it's a chance where family members of the kids living at the Ranch can come and see them. It's at a church in the city. I've never been there before. Some kids had people there, many kids were just running around playing with each other. By this point I think all the kids know my name...I know most of them. They all said hi to me, it was really cute. We stayed there for about 10 minutes, then swung by Brayan and Steve's apartment (and I got a chance to see it, it's pretty nice), and started driving back to the Ranch. I say started, because as we were nearing the turn off to the potholed road (off of the main road out of Teguc) the hose on the radiator loosened or burst or something...we lost all the fluid, regardless. Those of us in the back noticed the fact that we had lost a lot of fluid...so we relayed that information to the driver. He pulled over and he and Melody's father (her parents and best friend are here visiting for a week) tried to see if they could fix it. Scott tried calling people to let them know and ask for help. He didn't get a hold of anyone initially, but Carlos saw us as he was on his way back. He pulled over, and 6 of us jumped into his busito (and we brought the groceries too). I guess Jim brought some more passengers back (maybe all of them, I don't know, I was in Carlos' van). The busito we were in is still in the city, I believe. Oh, the adventures of driving in Honduras. For some reason, as we were coming back to the Ranch we started singing songs again...hymns, Sunday School songs, other praise and worship stuff. It was a lot of fun...I just hope we weren't too annoying. Basically it was Melody, her parents, her friend Sarah, Scott and me...Marielos joined in when she knew them. Overall, I guess looking back it was a full weekend...even though it seemed to fly by way too quickly. [It probably flew by because it was a full weekend, granted.]
It was interesting to see how God worked things out really well yesterday with the busito...because if we had stuck around too much longer at visitation, we probably would have been behind most of the ranch people returning from the city because we took that side trip to Brayan and Steve's apartment.
Today was back to school as usual. It's been gray and rainy all day. The power has held out so far, which is good, because it's our turn to host family night tonight...Melody's parents are helping with it. It should be fun!
Sunday (which was yesterday, difficult as that is for me to believe) was something of an adventure. My church down here was celebrating Day of the Child, so we met in a park in the city, had a service outside, and brought in food afterwards (pupusas...they're really good!). The park we went to was the same one where I had gone when I was down here in 2006 and 2008 on brigades...so it was a little emotional for me as I was walking around and remembering conversations with people from those trips. I spent the first 10 minutes there just wandering around and mostly shutting people out...but I got over it in time. I called home (5 bars of signal in the park...and no real issues with mosquitoes). After church I also got a chance to call Robin, which was nice, because one of the stronger memories I had was when we were both there in 2006 and we found a tree that kind of looked like a pineapple (the trunk was stubby and scaly, with giant fronds coming out the top). The tree is still there...it's grown a bit, but it still somewhat resembled the pineapple...so I knew it was the right one.
After church we went shopping (typical), and then we spent a bit of time over at visitation. Visitation happens once a month, and it's a chance where family members of the kids living at the Ranch can come and see them. It's at a church in the city. I've never been there before. Some kids had people there, many kids were just running around playing with each other. By this point I think all the kids know my name...I know most of them. They all said hi to me, it was really cute. We stayed there for about 10 minutes, then swung by Brayan and Steve's apartment (and I got a chance to see it, it's pretty nice), and started driving back to the Ranch. I say started, because as we were nearing the turn off to the potholed road (off of the main road out of Teguc) the hose on the radiator loosened or burst or something...we lost all the fluid, regardless. Those of us in the back noticed the fact that we had lost a lot of fluid...so we relayed that information to the driver. He pulled over and he and Melody's father (her parents and best friend are here visiting for a week) tried to see if they could fix it. Scott tried calling people to let them know and ask for help. He didn't get a hold of anyone initially, but Carlos saw us as he was on his way back. He pulled over, and 6 of us jumped into his busito (and we brought the groceries too). I guess Jim brought some more passengers back (maybe all of them, I don't know, I was in Carlos' van). The busito we were in is still in the city, I believe. Oh, the adventures of driving in Honduras. For some reason, as we were coming back to the Ranch we started singing songs again...hymns, Sunday School songs, other praise and worship stuff. It was a lot of fun...I just hope we weren't too annoying. Basically it was Melody, her parents, her friend Sarah, Scott and me...Marielos joined in when she knew them. Overall, I guess looking back it was a full weekend...even though it seemed to fly by way too quickly. [It probably flew by because it was a full weekend, granted.]
It was interesting to see how God worked things out really well yesterday with the busito...because if we had stuck around too much longer at visitation, we probably would have been behind most of the ranch people returning from the city because we took that side trip to Brayan and Steve's apartment.
Today was back to school as usual. It's been gray and rainy all day. The power has held out so far, which is good, because it's our turn to host family night tonight...Melody's parents are helping with it. It should be fun!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Feliz Dia de Independencia (de Honduras)!
It is indeed the Honduran Independence Day. Which means I have today and tomorrow off of school (Day of the Teacher is Saturday...kind of fitting). Yay for a 4-day weekend. For those of you back home who are a little jealous...just remember that I didn't get Labor Day off last week...so it does even out eventually...mostly.
Yesterday the kids had a parade, complete with a percussion section (all the high schoolers/junior highers). We marched from the school up to the campo (it's basically one long hill...starting off as a gradual incline and then getting much steeper!), over the campo, down the road past all the houses and ended in the bodega, where there were cultural presentations by each grade level and then food and more presentations about the different districts in Honduras by each of the houses. There was a brigade that showed up, so after that, we had the required soccer game. We won. The team this week (at least some of them) are from Freeport...so some of them at least knew where Cary was.
What to do on my days off...well...today I'm doing laundry. That's kind of necessary...especially since I usually change clothes 2 to 3 times a day (teaching, change for playing soccer or just hanging out outside, then wash all the bug spray and dirt off and find clean clothes). I'm also planning on spending some time today figuring out what's going on in the clinic. Andrew and Simi are leaving for a time, and Simi was in charge of the clinic here. She handed that off to me...I still don't quite know how that worked, but now I'm in charge of it. So I need to go up there and figure out what exactly is going on, what this entails, and get a better feel for it. Once I'm past that point, it doesn't sound like it's really going to be a big deal...but there will be a learning curve, kind of like everything else around here.
Tomorrow I might be going out to Valle (de los Angeles). [It's the touristy area about an hour and a half away.] Melody's parents and best friend are visiting from home, so she's trying to get a group together to go out there. It would be fun, it would be something to do to get me off the Ranch...and it's never too early to think of Christmas presents, right?
Saturday there's a party for Brayan and Yefrey who are both 18 and moving back to Tegucigalpa. At some point in time Melody and I are making dessert for that (cupcakes)...everyone on the Ranch is invited to it...so we're probably going to be making a lot of cupcakes. Sunday at church we're celebrating Day of the Child (which was actually almost two weeks ago), so we're having the services in a park I believe, and it's going to be more of a celebration thing. Basically the month of September is a series of festivals, parades and celebrations. It's been an interesting month so far with that.
Yesterday the kids had a parade, complete with a percussion section (all the high schoolers/junior highers). We marched from the school up to the campo (it's basically one long hill...starting off as a gradual incline and then getting much steeper!), over the campo, down the road past all the houses and ended in the bodega, where there were cultural presentations by each grade level and then food and more presentations about the different districts in Honduras by each of the houses. There was a brigade that showed up, so after that, we had the required soccer game. We won. The team this week (at least some of them) are from Freeport...so some of them at least knew where Cary was.
What to do on my days off...well...today I'm doing laundry. That's kind of necessary...especially since I usually change clothes 2 to 3 times a day (teaching, change for playing soccer or just hanging out outside, then wash all the bug spray and dirt off and find clean clothes). I'm also planning on spending some time today figuring out what's going on in the clinic. Andrew and Simi are leaving for a time, and Simi was in charge of the clinic here. She handed that off to me...I still don't quite know how that worked, but now I'm in charge of it. So I need to go up there and figure out what exactly is going on, what this entails, and get a better feel for it. Once I'm past that point, it doesn't sound like it's really going to be a big deal...but there will be a learning curve, kind of like everything else around here.
Tomorrow I might be going out to Valle (de los Angeles). [It's the touristy area about an hour and a half away.] Melody's parents and best friend are visiting from home, so she's trying to get a group together to go out there. It would be fun, it would be something to do to get me off the Ranch...and it's never too early to think of Christmas presents, right?
Saturday there's a party for Brayan and Yefrey who are both 18 and moving back to Tegucigalpa. At some point in time Melody and I are making dessert for that (cupcakes)...everyone on the Ranch is invited to it...so we're probably going to be making a lot of cupcakes. Sunday at church we're celebrating Day of the Child (which was actually almost two weeks ago), so we're having the services in a park I believe, and it's going to be more of a celebration thing. Basically the month of September is a series of festivals, parades and celebrations. It's been an interesting month so far with that.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Baby Steps...
Today I had campo duty (well, I wasn't scheduled for it, but someone asked me to switch, so I did). It ended up being a lot of fun...and a good learning experience. When I got up there, a few kids were playing. I went and sat down at the picnic table, where I believe Jesus was on duty before me (he's one of the house dads) and the father of one of my students was keeping him company. I sat down, and within 2 minutes my student's father turned to me and asked (in Spanish) what I thought of the ranch. I responded (in Spanish) that I liked it, and it was very different from home...so they asked where home was, and the conversation went from there...in almost complete Spanish. Julio (one of my students) came over at one point, and I think he was a little surprised to hear me conversing with them in Spanish, because he said to Jesus (in Spanish) "She told me if you speak too quickly she doesn't understand you." And then he proceded to throw out rapid-fire Spanish sentences and see if I could understand...I got all of some of them, and bits and pieces of others. Jesus was laughing at Julio, especially when I understood what he was saying, and called him crazy a few times. The three of us (well, four if you count Julio) continued talking for half an hour, at which point Jesus, Julio, and most of the kids left. My students' father kept talking with me for probably another 20 minutes until all the kids were gone and I could leave. It was good to practice Spanish...I understood the vast majority of what was being said to me (granted, I'm sure they were speaking slowly), and I think they understood what I was trying to say...at least the conversation seemed to make sense with the responses I got to what I said. All in all it was a really fun afternoon. By the end my brain was a little drained, I think I'm going to try to avoid any strenuous thinking for the rest of the night, but I enjoyed it, and I got to know people a little bit more (and they got to know me). And I was encouraged because one of them told me that with what I understand and how I currently speak, I should be able to learn Spanish well fairly quickly. Encouragement is always good.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Wednesdays
The school schedule here is interesting. We don't get started until 8:20 or 8:30, there are no bell schedules, each child or grade level has their own schedule. Sometimes I get breaks between classes, other times they literally start one right after the other. The high school side of things has chapel on Friday mornings from 8:30 until 9:50 and the classes we miss, we don't make up. School is out at 3:45 on most days, but every Wednesday is a half day (which means we have morning classes, and we get out at lunch).
The half days are for two reasons: first of all, since we're so far from the city, if we need to get anything done during normal business hours, we're out of luck. Business hours in the city end anywhere between 4 and 6, and most businesses are only open on weekdays. It takes us a good hour to get to the city. Do the math. Having half days on Wednesday means that if there are things we need to get accomplished, we can go in after lunch on Wednesday and we'll have a few hours to get stuff done - like going to the bank or next week when I'm (finally) going in to apply for residency. Stores and shops are open on the weekends, but any official business won't happen then. The other reason for the half days on Wednesday are the brigades that come through. Each time a medical brigade is in the city, they have Wednesday "off"...and they come out here and tour the ranch, meet the kids, etc. Part of that is a soccer game between the brigade members and the ranch. So on days when there's a brigade, the students get out of school at 11:30 so they can put their books away and be ready for the game which usually happens at noon. While they're getting ready, the brigade tours the school. It's a pretty good schedule. And I do appreciate having a half day on Wednesday...though often the afternoon flies by, because there is a lot to get caught up on.
There's a brigade staying here this week...which has caused a bit of excitement. They spent Monday putting in a tetherball pole and a flag pole in front of the school. While they were digging, they hit a water pipe, which means that we didn't have any water pressure for some hours on Monday...and when we got it back, it was really dirty. It's basically cleared out now. It's nice to have drinking water again. The things we definitely take for granted... [I think because the house I'm in was the closest to the break, our water took the longest to clear out...some of the other houses just lost pressure for a while, but their water was clean pretty quickly...so Melody walked over to one yesterday morning and filled up a few pitchers.] Last night there was a bonfire and smores. I spent some time over there and talked with people before going back home and finishing up the book I was reading. Today is the soccer game (which I promised my 7th graders I'd at least play in - Kevin wants me to be goalie). And my next class just came in, so I should get back to teaching. :-)
The half days are for two reasons: first of all, since we're so far from the city, if we need to get anything done during normal business hours, we're out of luck. Business hours in the city end anywhere between 4 and 6, and most businesses are only open on weekdays. It takes us a good hour to get to the city. Do the math. Having half days on Wednesday means that if there are things we need to get accomplished, we can go in after lunch on Wednesday and we'll have a few hours to get stuff done - like going to the bank or next week when I'm (finally) going in to apply for residency. Stores and shops are open on the weekends, but any official business won't happen then. The other reason for the half days on Wednesday are the brigades that come through. Each time a medical brigade is in the city, they have Wednesday "off"...and they come out here and tour the ranch, meet the kids, etc. Part of that is a soccer game between the brigade members and the ranch. So on days when there's a brigade, the students get out of school at 11:30 so they can put their books away and be ready for the game which usually happens at noon. While they're getting ready, the brigade tours the school. It's a pretty good schedule. And I do appreciate having a half day on Wednesday...though often the afternoon flies by, because there is a lot to get caught up on.
There's a brigade staying here this week...which has caused a bit of excitement. They spent Monday putting in a tetherball pole and a flag pole in front of the school. While they were digging, they hit a water pipe, which means that we didn't have any water pressure for some hours on Monday...and when we got it back, it was really dirty. It's basically cleared out now. It's nice to have drinking water again. The things we definitely take for granted... [I think because the house I'm in was the closest to the break, our water took the longest to clear out...some of the other houses just lost pressure for a while, but their water was clean pretty quickly...so Melody walked over to one yesterday morning and filled up a few pitchers.] Last night there was a bonfire and smores. I spent some time over there and talked with people before going back home and finishing up the book I was reading. Today is the soccer game (which I promised my 7th graders I'd at least play in - Kevin wants me to be goalie). And my next class just came in, so I should get back to teaching. :-)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
The Pond
I made it back up to the pond today, and spent a peaceful hour or so there...and I brought my camera along. Unfortunately the pictures doesn't necessarily do the trek justice...it took me about 12-15 minutes to walk down from the pond, my guess is about double to get there (then again I was stopping along the way to take pictures....).
 |
| That's where I'm heading...the trees on the top of that ridge |
 |
| The higher you go, the better the view of the surrounding mountains. |
 |
Starting out...the first hill to walk up. This is also the first hill I walk up when I'm looking for phone service. |
 |
This is part of the path up...note it's hard to fully show how vertical it is on camera (I also climb this one when I'm looking for phone service). |
 |
| A part of the path (near the top). A tree fell down at some point in time during a storm and hasn't been cleared out yet. In the picture, I'm looking back, I've already climbed over the tree. |
 |
| I've made it to the pond, finally. Here's what that looks like. |
 |
The return trip home, I'm on the top of the first hill looking down towards home. The campo would be to my left. |
Hopefully that gives a bit of visual to my world. Note, it took me about 45 minutes to upload the pictures, so they won't happen often...and I even purposely picked a time when most people aren't online. So that was relatively fast. But for now, I need to get to bed, because I leave for church in about 8 hours. Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The Next Best Thing
I haven't gotten back up to the pond yet...but I did purchase a couple of books on my iPad and that helped me regain a good perspective. They're books I own already...but ones that aren't down here. I was trying to think through what I could do to improve my mood, and in talking with my roommates my cat came up...and my mind went from my cat (Loiosh) to where I had gotten her name from (because of course they asked)...and I realized that if I started reading some Steven Brust, it would probably help. And it did...a lot. I finished Dragon this morning, and I'm over halfway through Issola...I also got Dzur. I can read and re-read those books many times before I get tired of them. And maybe at Christmas I'll bring down the earlier books that aren't in electronic form. Regardless, yesterday evening and today were good times.
After school today I did go up and join in the soccer game, which was fun. And then I sat in "marching band practice". Basically, the entire month of September is a Honduran national pride/history month. Their independence day is in September, and there are a lot of festivities and programs that revolve around that...one of which involves a parade of sorts, so the older kids wanted to practice the drum cadences...except the drums are in the bodega, and they can't go there without supervision...so they asked Scott and me to supervise (they needed a male and female teacher because it was a mixed group of kids). So we suffered through about a half hour of drum cadences. They're not bad. If they practiced as much as marching bands practice back home they'd probably be excellent. Afterwards we talked with one of the families on the ranch for a few minutes and went home. I ended up playing cards with Lucas and Hannah for a while (which is why I'm not yet done with Issola). And that was pretty much my day. All in all, it was good times. [Well, except for the giant bug creature I just saw run across my floor...black, many legged bug on a white tile floor kind of sticks out...I hunted it down and killed it with my shoe.]
Unfortunately I'm not tired yet...maybe I should be, but I'm not. So I may get a chance to finish Issola after all. Or I'll find people online to talk with, or whatever...and regret it in the morning when my alarm goes off. Such is life. :-)
After school today I did go up and join in the soccer game, which was fun. And then I sat in "marching band practice". Basically, the entire month of September is a Honduran national pride/history month. Their independence day is in September, and there are a lot of festivities and programs that revolve around that...one of which involves a parade of sorts, so the older kids wanted to practice the drum cadences...except the drums are in the bodega, and they can't go there without supervision...so they asked Scott and me to supervise (they needed a male and female teacher because it was a mixed group of kids). So we suffered through about a half hour of drum cadences. They're not bad. If they practiced as much as marching bands practice back home they'd probably be excellent. Afterwards we talked with one of the families on the ranch for a few minutes and went home. I ended up playing cards with Lucas and Hannah for a while (which is why I'm not yet done with Issola). And that was pretty much my day. All in all, it was good times. [Well, except for the giant bug creature I just saw run across my floor...black, many legged bug on a white tile floor kind of sticks out...I hunted it down and killed it with my shoe.]
Unfortunately I'm not tired yet...maybe I should be, but I'm not. So I may get a chance to finish Issola after all. Or I'll find people online to talk with, or whatever...and regret it in the morning when my alarm goes off. Such is life. :-)
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wanna Get Away?
I never realized how much I took "alone time" for granted, until I moved to a place where I don't have any. I'm surrounded by people, pretty much 24/7. When I'm in my room and people are talking in the living room, I can hear them...maybe not to distinguish words, but I know they're there. Walking around on the ranch, there's always someone around. You stop, chat, wave, whatever...but there are always people there. Last weekend I got to the point where I had had enough of people. Saturday was just rough...it was pouring and there were people everywhere I turned...people who don't know me well, and I'm not about to try to get to know them in groups. I don't operate that way. I get to know people one-on-one, when I'm in groups where I don't know most of the people there I don't say anything in the best case scenario, and I get super-uncomfortable in the worst case scenario. I'm getting better, but when I need alone time, trying to push myself in that isn't a smart idea.
Church was fine, but afterwards there was a slight issue because I was going to be heading back with a different van than I came in. I was told who I would be riding with, but it was someone I didn't know yet. I'm sure they knew me...it's always easier to learn a few new names rather than be the new person and have to learn everyone's name...but I didn't know who they were when I was given the name. I told that to the person who normally drives me on Saturday, when he told me about the arrangements, and he said it wasn't a problem, he'd introduce me. Well, when we got to Sunday, he said I could go down and meet them in the grocery store. I looked at him and said I didn't know who they were, so how could I meet them in the grocery store. He asked me how come I didn't know who they were, and I reminded him of our conversation the day before...which he then remembered. But as he had to stay there and wait for some people he was meeting up with, he couldn't introduce me like he had planned. So I went down, shopped, and came back to the table we had been sitting at. By this point I was rather fed up with people in general (there had been a few other conversations where assumptions were made about what and who I did know about things down here...all in the span of about 20 minutes), and I just wanted to be alone. But I'm in the middle of a mall in Tegucigalpa...that's not happening. I was asked by the original driver if I was okay, I said no. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, and I said no, because I didn't think that it would benefit anything to vent my frustration on him. And then the guy who was driving me home came over, and I was introduced to him, and he's really nice...helped me bring my groceries to the car, spent the drive back chatting, it was good. It almost made up for the frustration of getting to that point.
By time we got back to the ranch, I felt like I was jumping out of my skin...I needed to get somewhere else...anywhere else. So I grabbed my phone and iPod and walked up to the pond...I tried calling someone a few times to no avail. I needed to be alone, but I wanted to talk through all the frustrations and whatever going through my head. I stayed up by the pond in blissful solitude until a change in the wind and encroaching thunder told me I should probably walk back (it was probably an hour or so later). I was by the campo when it started raining, I did get into my house before it poured. Which effectively cut out all options for retreat anywhere else...so I went next door to find someone to talk with (note "next door" is connected by the screened in porch...so no need to get wet). It helped...a lot. So after Sunday evening, I was doing pretty well.
Fast forward to today...it's three days later, and after the teachers met for announcements and a time of prayer, one of them came up to me and asked I was doing okay. I said yeah, I was fine...and she asked again. I repeated myself that I was fine, because I was...after that whole mess on Sunday I've pretty much been fine since (though if the thunder clears up I may go back up to the pond today). But then I started trying to figure out why she would think that I wasn't doing well. She was around on Sunday, so it could have been that...but then wouldn't she have asked me Monday? Well, the conclusion I came to (and I don't know if I'm right or not) is that her roommate was over at my house last night with a group of other girls. I had been playing soccer, came in, said hi, went to my room and cleaned up, said bye, and went next door to the guys house. I didn't stay for conversation, it was pretty much in, quick shower, out, gone. My thought is that she went home and told the teacher that approached me about it...of course out of concern for me. [Now, understand that this is just my hypothesis, I have little evidence, just deduction.]
If that's what happened, it frustrates me a little bit. If you're concerned about me, okay...come up and ask, or at the very least, send an e-mail. Don't talk with someone else about it, I don't appreciate that. And this is why I tend to hang out with the guys here...they're straightforward...they tell you what they're thinking. (Don't get me wrong, some of the girls here are great too...but I've run into this issue a lot more with females...in general...than I have with guys.) A key to how I operate - I'm all about one-on-one relationships...I can do groups if I know most of the people well, and how I get to know people is one-on-one relationships. Which means I'm not likely to open up to a group of people I don't know well. We have family night down here every Monday. It basically is a time when all the people who aren't house parents...aka mostly the singles...get together and have dinner. Going to that is a stretch for me. I go because I know it's good to get to know people, but it's a stretch. I don't say much...maybe by the end of the year I'll be speaking more, but for now I don't. But part of the reason why I don't is I don't know whether or not I can trust people to keep things that I share to themselves...and with things like what happened today, I'm more inclined to believe that I can't.
Anyway, so that's where I'm at for now. I'm doing well for the most part. School is going well. I did get a bit of much needed alone time last Sunday. I just may be avoiding certain people for a few days until I find out what exactly happened...I guess that's the down side to living in a close community...people feel like your business is theirs, and they need to share their concerns...with everyone...or just their roommate. Sigh.
Church was fine, but afterwards there was a slight issue because I was going to be heading back with a different van than I came in. I was told who I would be riding with, but it was someone I didn't know yet. I'm sure they knew me...it's always easier to learn a few new names rather than be the new person and have to learn everyone's name...but I didn't know who they were when I was given the name. I told that to the person who normally drives me on Saturday, when he told me about the arrangements, and he said it wasn't a problem, he'd introduce me. Well, when we got to Sunday, he said I could go down and meet them in the grocery store. I looked at him and said I didn't know who they were, so how could I meet them in the grocery store. He asked me how come I didn't know who they were, and I reminded him of our conversation the day before...which he then remembered. But as he had to stay there and wait for some people he was meeting up with, he couldn't introduce me like he had planned. So I went down, shopped, and came back to the table we had been sitting at. By this point I was rather fed up with people in general (there had been a few other conversations where assumptions were made about what and who I did know about things down here...all in the span of about 20 minutes), and I just wanted to be alone. But I'm in the middle of a mall in Tegucigalpa...that's not happening. I was asked by the original driver if I was okay, I said no. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, and I said no, because I didn't think that it would benefit anything to vent my frustration on him. And then the guy who was driving me home came over, and I was introduced to him, and he's really nice...helped me bring my groceries to the car, spent the drive back chatting, it was good. It almost made up for the frustration of getting to that point.
By time we got back to the ranch, I felt like I was jumping out of my skin...I needed to get somewhere else...anywhere else. So I grabbed my phone and iPod and walked up to the pond...I tried calling someone a few times to no avail. I needed to be alone, but I wanted to talk through all the frustrations and whatever going through my head. I stayed up by the pond in blissful solitude until a change in the wind and encroaching thunder told me I should probably walk back (it was probably an hour or so later). I was by the campo when it started raining, I did get into my house before it poured. Which effectively cut out all options for retreat anywhere else...so I went next door to find someone to talk with (note "next door" is connected by the screened in porch...so no need to get wet). It helped...a lot. So after Sunday evening, I was doing pretty well.
Fast forward to today...it's three days later, and after the teachers met for announcements and a time of prayer, one of them came up to me and asked I was doing okay. I said yeah, I was fine...and she asked again. I repeated myself that I was fine, because I was...after that whole mess on Sunday I've pretty much been fine since (though if the thunder clears up I may go back up to the pond today). But then I started trying to figure out why she would think that I wasn't doing well. She was around on Sunday, so it could have been that...but then wouldn't she have asked me Monday? Well, the conclusion I came to (and I don't know if I'm right or not) is that her roommate was over at my house last night with a group of other girls. I had been playing soccer, came in, said hi, went to my room and cleaned up, said bye, and went next door to the guys house. I didn't stay for conversation, it was pretty much in, quick shower, out, gone. My thought is that she went home and told the teacher that approached me about it...of course out of concern for me. [Now, understand that this is just my hypothesis, I have little evidence, just deduction.]
If that's what happened, it frustrates me a little bit. If you're concerned about me, okay...come up and ask, or at the very least, send an e-mail. Don't talk with someone else about it, I don't appreciate that. And this is why I tend to hang out with the guys here...they're straightforward...they tell you what they're thinking. (Don't get me wrong, some of the girls here are great too...but I've run into this issue a lot more with females...in general...than I have with guys.) A key to how I operate - I'm all about one-on-one relationships...I can do groups if I know most of the people well, and how I get to know people is one-on-one relationships. Which means I'm not likely to open up to a group of people I don't know well. We have family night down here every Monday. It basically is a time when all the people who aren't house parents...aka mostly the singles...get together and have dinner. Going to that is a stretch for me. I go because I know it's good to get to know people, but it's a stretch. I don't say much...maybe by the end of the year I'll be speaking more, but for now I don't. But part of the reason why I don't is I don't know whether or not I can trust people to keep things that I share to themselves...and with things like what happened today, I'm more inclined to believe that I can't.
Anyway, so that's where I'm at for now. I'm doing well for the most part. School is going well. I did get a bit of much needed alone time last Sunday. I just may be avoiding certain people for a few days until I find out what exactly happened...I guess that's the down side to living in a close community...people feel like your business is theirs, and they need to share their concerns...with everyone...or just their roommate. Sigh.
Friday, August 26, 2011
I am a promise, I am a possibility...
For those of you who recognized that the title was a childrens' song and now have it running through your head, you can thank me later. I'll explain where that title came from...in a minute.
Tonight we (a group of teachers) went down to the city...mostly just to get away for a night. This is the third time I've been to the city this week...Sunday, Wednesday and now tonight. I think that's a record for me. Anyway, we were just going in for food. We went to a place that serves fairly typical Honduran food. I had flautas and pupusas, they were really good. I would definitely get them again...and it was cheap...less than $5 for a lot of food...and in the end, Jen (the principal) paid for all of us...which was awesome and totally unexpected. So then another guy in the group, David, decided that we needed ice cream, so we headed over to Wendys which was half a block away. Being as we were in downtown Teguc, we did drive there, and when we showed up the parking lot was packed...people standing everywhere, etc. I guess there was some sort of breakdancing organized and a car show. Anyway, Jason, who was driving, dropped us off and eventually found a place to park. We all went inside and most of us got frostys (the first ice cream I've had since I got here). A few of the people in our group went outside to watch what was going on. About half an hour later we all had finished up and decided to leave...so Jason went to get the busito. Unfortunately for him the "car show" part had just started...so there was a line of very pimped out cars slowly driving out of the parking lot...nice cars, good paint jobs...one was intentially spewing fire/sparks out of the exhaust, others were bouncing up and down...and then there's the old busito driving in the middle of them all. And the 12 crazy gringos piling into it like a clown car in reverse. It was hilarious...watching the expressions on the faces of the people in the crowd...they were laughing and pointing and everything. We were laughing for a good 10 minutes of the drive...just the incongruity of it all. Here's our special talent, we can fit a bunch of gringos into a van.
So that in itself made the night...never mind that I got a great meal and dessert and didn't have to pay for it. Then on the way back, Jason and Scott were talking about something, a chapel coming up or something, and Jason was describing the message that he was thinking about preaching on, and they were discussing songs for it, and the song "I am a promise" came into my head, but I wasn't part of the conversation, so I didn't say anything...until Scott started singing it. Then I joined in, and Melody joined in...I think Jason was singing too. And pretty soon it turned into a "what Sunday School songs do you remember" competition. Most of the time, what one person came up with, most of the rest of us (if not all of the rest of us) knew. Granted, with Jason and Melody that's kind of cheating, because they went to the same church/school growing up I believe. But we were going through the list of little kids church songs for a while...the rest of the way back to the Ranch (probably close to 30 minutes at that point). Notable mentions: "I just want to be a sheep", "Father Abraham" which I chastised Jason for fully participating in, as he was driving and it requires hand and feet movement, "I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N", "I've got the joy" (a few of the verses), "If I had a little white box", "This little light of mine", etc. There were a number of them! And then Simi started with a few that she knew in Portuguese (she's from Brazil)...and the interesting thing is I think for most of the ones she remembered, we had an English equivalent. It was definitely fun times, a really good night. And now I'm very tired and going to bed. Have a great weekend!
Tonight we (a group of teachers) went down to the city...mostly just to get away for a night. This is the third time I've been to the city this week...Sunday, Wednesday and now tonight. I think that's a record for me. Anyway, we were just going in for food. We went to a place that serves fairly typical Honduran food. I had flautas and pupusas, they were really good. I would definitely get them again...and it was cheap...less than $5 for a lot of food...and in the end, Jen (the principal) paid for all of us...which was awesome and totally unexpected. So then another guy in the group, David, decided that we needed ice cream, so we headed over to Wendys which was half a block away. Being as we were in downtown Teguc, we did drive there, and when we showed up the parking lot was packed...people standing everywhere, etc. I guess there was some sort of breakdancing organized and a car show. Anyway, Jason, who was driving, dropped us off and eventually found a place to park. We all went inside and most of us got frostys (the first ice cream I've had since I got here). A few of the people in our group went outside to watch what was going on. About half an hour later we all had finished up and decided to leave...so Jason went to get the busito. Unfortunately for him the "car show" part had just started...so there was a line of very pimped out cars slowly driving out of the parking lot...nice cars, good paint jobs...one was intentially spewing fire/sparks out of the exhaust, others were bouncing up and down...and then there's the old busito driving in the middle of them all. And the 12 crazy gringos piling into it like a clown car in reverse. It was hilarious...watching the expressions on the faces of the people in the crowd...they were laughing and pointing and everything. We were laughing for a good 10 minutes of the drive...just the incongruity of it all. Here's our special talent, we can fit a bunch of gringos into a van.
So that in itself made the night...never mind that I got a great meal and dessert and didn't have to pay for it. Then on the way back, Jason and Scott were talking about something, a chapel coming up or something, and Jason was describing the message that he was thinking about preaching on, and they were discussing songs for it, and the song "I am a promise" came into my head, but I wasn't part of the conversation, so I didn't say anything...until Scott started singing it. Then I joined in, and Melody joined in...I think Jason was singing too. And pretty soon it turned into a "what Sunday School songs do you remember" competition. Most of the time, what one person came up with, most of the rest of us (if not all of the rest of us) knew. Granted, with Jason and Melody that's kind of cheating, because they went to the same church/school growing up I believe. But we were going through the list of little kids church songs for a while...the rest of the way back to the Ranch (probably close to 30 minutes at that point). Notable mentions: "I just want to be a sheep", "Father Abraham" which I chastised Jason for fully participating in, as he was driving and it requires hand and feet movement, "I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N", "I've got the joy" (a few of the verses), "If I had a little white box", "This little light of mine", etc. There were a number of them! And then Simi started with a few that she knew in Portuguese (she's from Brazil)...and the interesting thing is I think for most of the ones she remembered, we had an English equivalent. It was definitely fun times, a really good night. And now I'm very tired and going to bed. Have a great weekend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)