A Month in the States

We’re at the end of August.  This is the first month I’ve spent entirely in the States since a year ago June.  And according to most people, a month is a sufficient time to recover from almost anything, really.  Some of them don’t even understand why I have to recover at all, because we have so many more conveniences here.  So there shouldn’t be any adjustment coming back to the States, right?

Before leaving and living somewhere else for a year, I would have understood that idea.  Now it seems somewhat ridiculous.  It’s impossible to describe mentally, physically and emotionally what I’m still going through.  The smallest, random things bring me back to Honduras.  A smell, a song, certain foods, phrases, any smattering of Spanish I hear, facebook posts, pictures on my screen saver, etc.  Sometimes there is no trigger, sometimes my mind just goes there, and I find myself missing the students and teachers, and praying for them.  Then there are the times when I’m talking with people, whether currently in the States or people who are still down there, and that obviously brings it back.  And when I'm talking with people, they can understand that...what they don't get is how, for me, "normal" has be redefined.

There are a number of circumstances that were typical for me before leaving, which now are overwhelming.  I’m getting better at shopping at WalMart, but the place is huge, and if I don’t go in with a written down list and check it off, I usually forget a couple of things along the way, because I get distracted or I wander around in circles for a while as I try to remember where something is, or mull over which brand out of 15 or 20 I should choose.  [I do a lot of shopping now at Aldi, fewer options, less overwhelming.]  My church as well has been overwhelming to some extent.  There have been many new people who have started attending in the last year.  I don’t know them, they know each other…and it’s a far cry from the 25-30 people I had in my church in Honduras.  Being back in school in many ways is also overwhelming.  There are too many people going in too many directions, requesting too many things at the moment.  I’m know I’ll get used to it and get on top of it, but in some ways I feel like I’m a first year teacher again, trying to figure out everything that needs to be done and how it should be done.

Humans are interesting creatures; we adapt to new environments and routines and over time it becomes our “normal”.  When we enter into another environment, what we consider “normal” changes.  That was my position…now I’m going back to my first environment and I’m questioning it in some cases rather than just submersing myself back in.  Living and working in the northwest suburbs of Chicago takes energy and focus and in many cases a willingness to put many “extraneous” relationships on hold for your job and the million and one things you’re involved in (okay, a slight exaggeration there).  You learn what you need to do, you learn how much time you can spend on any one task, you learn to budget and juggle until it’s all you know how to do, and your friends tend to be people who are with you in one or more of those things you do on a daily or weekly basis.  That’s not a bad thing.  But in the last year I’ve learned how to be quiet, I’ve learned how to be content with my own company, with a slower pace, with meeting random people, with conversations and relationships where on the surface we don’t have much of anything in common, other than a love of God.  In some cases, we don’t even have a language in common.  I’ve learned to slow down…and part of me is resisting speeding up again…at least to the level where I was before.

School has started again.  With that comes demands on my time, mind, patience, etc.  I’m trying to find a way where I can function in this world without losing the lessons that I learned in Honduras, without finding myself crazy busy again where 5 hours of sleep a night is considered good, and one to two hours of breathing space a week is what I get if I’m lucky.  I’m fortunate, I was forced out of all my activities, tutoring, etc when I was gone, and people learned to deal without me.  Now, coming back, I can approach this more prayerfully and intentionally in what I want to get involved in, and what really isn’t my passion.

In short, I’m still processing through culture shock, I’m trying to figure out how to make who I was in Honduras and the lessons I learned while I was there mesh with my life here.  What to keep, what to change, same with activities, relationships, natural responses, etc.  And I know I’m supposed to be here right now…but I’m waiting on God’s direction for the future…again, not necessarily comfortable, but very necessary.  And unfortunately it's an ongoing process that doesn't really have an end in sight...

Re-Entry

I’ve now been Stateside for almost 4 weeks.  I’m going back to Honduras in another couple of days, for two weeks, and then I’ll be back here “permanently” [or at least for the foreseeable future].  In some ways, being back has been good, and in other ways it’s rough.  People ask how I’m doing or if I’m glad to be back, and in many ways, the answer changes every day, sometimes every minute.  It reminds me of a scene in Harry Potter 5 (the book…and I think the movie…):  Harry, Ron and Hermione are sitting in the common room, near Christmas, right after Harry kissed Cho (this girl he’s liked for over a year).  Cho was crying, and Ron teases Harry that he’s not a good kisser.  Hermione says he’s fine, Cho is just conflicted, and when the guys continue to act confused, she goes on to explain all the different thoughts and emotions that Cho is going through at this point.  Ron comes back with: “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode!”  Right now, in many ways, I’m living that sentiment.

It’s impossible to explain all of how I’m doing, what I’m feeling, and any of my experiences right now.  A lot of my time and energy is spent focusing on the task at hand…which is currently getting my house back together.  I’d forgotten how much stuff I have.  I remember when I was packing my house up to make room for my renter to move in, I threw out a lot of stuff that I didn’t need.  In unpacking, I’m doing much the same thing…either throwing it out or moving it back into storage to potentially sell or give away.  There are times when I’m doing okay, and times when I’m completely overwhelmed and can just stare at the stuff around me…most of which I definitely didn’t miss in the last year, much of which I completely forgot I owned.

I’ve spent a lot of time meeting with people these past couple weeks as well, which is a mixed blessing.  I enjoy spending time with people, finding out about where they are right now, what’s been happening in their lives, and sharing some about mine.  At the same time, I’ve heard many assumptions or statements which I know are well meaning, but are also hurtful. 

“Welcome back to civilization…”  Yes, I was living in a developing country.  Yes, Honduras is very poor in many ways…but that doesn’t mean that it’s uncivilized.  They have cell phones, internet (granted mine was really slow), vehicles, schools, shopping malls, etc.  It may not be as grand or elaborate as those in the states, the power may go out on a weekly basis and you barely notice, but just because we’re incredibly, abundantly, overly blessed here…it doesn’t mean they’re not civilized.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine.  You’ve lived here for years, you weren’t gone that long.”  A lot can happen in a year…a lot can happen in a few months or even a few weeks.  You learn new ways of doing things, new ways of relating, how to live without things, and in many ways how to enjoy a different lifestyle.  And when you come back, you’re seeing your “old” life through that lens.  It’s no longer what you’re used to.  I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make a habit…or at least that’s what’s commonly accepted.  Even giving some time for the initial culture shock…living in another culture for a year is by far long enough to get new habits.

“When you’re back to normal…” I’m assuming it’s intended to be:  “when you’ve had time to reacclimate and had a chance to emotionally stabilize”…because I’m pretty sure I’ll never go back to the “normal” I was at before…and I’m also pretty sure I don’t want to…

What is normal? In some ways it feels like some people are treating my reverse culture shock like a disease I'll recover from, and when I've been back long enough I'll revert back to the "me" I was before.  I hope not.  I hope that the lessons I've learned and the things I've experienced will have a lasting impact. I know I need to relearn how to live in this culture, but that doesn't mean I have to forget my time in Honduras.

A hard part of coming back is trying to reconcile two very different sets of priorities.  [And I know I'm generalizing here, so please don't jump down my throat...]. In the States, in many ways, we're focused on responsibility and independence.  Honduras in many ways is focused on relationships and interdependence.  That isn't to say that relationships aren't important in here, or that responsibility isn't important there...but an example: here you meet people on a schedule.  You almost have to, especially if you're meeting somewhere other than someone's house.  Most people are very time conscious, and we think people are rude if they show up more than a few minutes late (or come over excessively early).  If we see a friend or acquaintance somewhere when we're shopping or out somewhere, we'll strike up conversation, but it usually is short, because we're conscious that we have things to get done and they likely have things to get done.  Not so much in Honduras.  If you see someone in the mall, it's not uncommon to have longer conversations, or to change your plans to spend time with them.  People will come over unannounced, or be invited in spontaneously, and sometimes these unplanned visits span hours or meals.  When a guest comes over, they usually stop what they're doing to spend time with that person.  Help is also freely offered and often accepted (though pride does come into play at times).  Relationships are so important that culturally, it's very difficult to refuse people things.  However, most people don't take undue advantage of it.

One of my biggest frustrations in returning is how often people interrupt when you're in a conversation.  I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to it, or if it's happening to me more often (I'm guessing I'm more sensitive) but there have been numerous times with numerous people where I've felt like walking away from the conversation and just sending an email, because at least those can get written without interruption.  I can't count the number of times I've been asked a question by a friend, so I start to answer, and within two sentences they've had to interject something...a question, comment, or assumption.  If you really want to know about my time, let me tell it.  If you don't want to know, don't ask.  I won't be offended if you don't ask...I do get more offended if you ask, but show you don't really care about the answer, because as I'm talking you're thinking about what you want to say next rather than listening to what I'm saying.  I don't need to talk about my trip all the time; I do want to find out what is happening in other people's lives.  I understand that in the year I've been gone, life has gone on here in the States, as it should.

It will be interesting to see how things go as I return to Honduras.  I don’t know what it will feel like to go back…the same in some ways and different in others.  I’m only back at the Ranch for a week.  Some people are no longer around, and I’ll miss them.  Others it will be very good to see again (and very difficult to say goodbye to).

How do you pack up a year of your life?

Any advice, please…

This was the last Monday I’ll be in Honduras…well at least for the next month.  And when I come back, I’m not coming back for good, I’m just coming back for two weeks, so it’s not the same.  It does make leaving a little easier, but emphasis on LITTLE.

This evening I started really packing.  I’ve been consolidating things for the past week or so, weeding out things I don’t need to take back with me, separating things into things I’ll use before I return and things I’m going to stow here until I return for a week.  Tonight I actually went through and started counting off the days until I leave (6) and then portioning out what clothing I still need to wear, and packing the rest, packing up cosmetics, pictures, getting my DVDs in order, figuring out what people are still borrowing, going through every drawer in my room and throwing things out, putting things to the side that I don’t need, but other people may want…in general getting ready to wrap up my life here.  It’s more difficult than I anticipated in some ways…it makes things more real.  I really am leaving in less than a week.  And how do I go from the life I’m used to here back to the fast-paced, materialistic, busy world I came from?

In many ways the last year devoid of TV (or at least commercials…the TV I’ve watched has all been on DVD), radio, reliable phone service and high speed internet has been a relief.  I get phone service when I’m in the city (Teguc), outside in some areas on the Ranch, or connected to the antenna in Scott’s room.  But even then, I don’t get phone calls in, I just call out.  The internet is a frustration at times, but the intermittent service means that many times I don’t spend a lot of time tied in to facebook and e-mail.  I still check it every day, but before I left I would spend time not only on chatting with people, but playing games on facebook or on the internet.  I don’t think I’ve really done anything with facebook apps since before Christmas.  It takes too long to load, often causes my internet to freeze up, and it’s not worth the trouble.  That greatly decreases the amount of time I spend online (or it would if the internet was as fast here as it is at home…).  Add into that, I don’t have a driver’s license or vehicle here, so I basically have a lot of time to spend talking with people and reading books (and the aforementioned DVDs and movies…and usually those are viewed with at least one other person).  And in some cases, these people have become like family. 

That’s not even touching on the students that I’ve taught this past year.  When you live on the same property as the students, you get to know them rather well.  I had one student tell me that she looks at me like an older sister…and she’s only two and a half years younger than my younger sister, so that’s not too much of a stretch.  I’ve had students ask me to come back next year.  I’ve had parents thank me for the impact I’ve had on their kids.  And in the past week I’ve had to say goodbye already to people I’ve gotten to know really well, some of whom I may never see again this side of heaven.

I’m leaving this culture, and returning to one where in many cases people are too busy to sit down and talk…unless it’s a previously scheduled time, in which case they may be able to spare 15 minutes (an hour if you’re a really good friend) to talk.  I’m returning to a world where texting and facebook messages have replaced phone conversations because it allows you to multitask more easily.  It’s a world where, when I left, I was fortunate to get 6 hours of sleep and half an hour of breathing space a day…usually that included weekends.  I was surrounded by people, but usually we were so focused on whatever task was at hand that there wasn’t much time for personal conversation…unless that was the task at hand.  And in many ways, I don’t want to go back to that.  I want to go home, I want to see my family and friends…but I don’t want to go back to the task-oriented, busy pace of life back in the States. 

I don’t know if there’s any way around it.  I do know that I’m going to try to limit what I commit to, and in many cases I’m making those decisions before I get back home, which will make it easier to say no to the worthy and worthwhile causes that people ask me to join.  It’s not that I don’t think they’re important, or that I don’t support what people are doing in that…it’s just that my focus isn’t there, and I don’t want to be so busy with “good” things that I don’t have energy to dedicate to “best” things.

But before I look too far ahead, I still have six days to get through…well, five really, because day six is traveling.  In that time there will be many more goodbyes to say, packing to finish, conversations to be had, pictures to swap, life to live, and curriculum to finish (school is school in any country). 

3 Weeks?!?!?

In 3 weeks I will be back Stateside.  That's really hard to believe right now.  We have one week of normal school left, then next week will be standardized testing, cleaning the school and graduation.  The last week I'm here, I'll be working on curriculum stuff.  And then I'm home - June 17th. 

Over the next few weeks I'll be packing things up, saying goodbye to people, and trying to process my year here.  That's going to be really difficult, and I'm pretty sure that the next three weeks will fly by.  I'll be heading back here again in July, which helps with the goodbyes somewhat, because at least this time they're only "see you later" and not goodbye for good.  But how do you really pack up one life and try to pick up your old life?

I haven't been posting much on here, but I have been writing a lot in my journal as I'm processing this whole transition.  This also means I don't have much to write about right now, because I have written it...it's just not public.  But prayer would be appreciated as I'm making this transition.

Happy Easter!

I’ve always found the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter to be an interesting day.  It’s a day of crushed hopes, of disappointment.  I can picture Jesus’ disciples looking at each other with a “what now?” expression.  Their hope was killed, betrayed by one they all called friend.  How do you react to that?

If Easter…the resurrection…hadn’t arrived, that would have been the end of the story.  They likely would have gone back to their own lives, back to fishing, collecting taxes, whatever they had done before.  But that’s not the end of the story.  The women came with the news that Jesus’ body had been removed from the tomb, and on inspection it was true.  The tomb where Jesus’ body had been hastily placed and well-guarded (by trained, Roman soldiers) was indeed empty.  And the disciples were confused.  One of the women is convinced that she actually spoke with Jesus.  Then a report comes from two who followed with them, saying that a very-much-alive Jesus had walked with them as they were going to Emmaus, explaining why this man Jesus had to come, live as he had, and die as he did.  He explained that his death WAS the fulfillment of scripture.  And about the time they realized who he was, Jesus disappeared from their presence.  They ran back to Jerusalem as fast as they could to report it.  Later, Jesus appears to all the disciples.  Their hope is restored and their lives are changed, radically changed.

But right now, on this day, they don’t know that.  They have a bleak future ahead of them…one of uncertainty and futility.  I wonder what they thought of that day after the fact.  And the next few weeks, when Jesus was with them, preparing to leave them for the second time.  The uncertainty they faced of what their life would be like after he was gone.  Jesus had spent the last three years preparing them for this time.  Shortly, they would be past the point of preparation, and would pass into living life under the unseen guidance of the Holy Spirit, and spreading to all parts of the known world what they had seen in Jesus and learned from Jesus. 

In some ways it feels that the last year and a half for me has been a time of preparation.  A year ago at this time I was in the middle of raising funds, buying a plane ticket, trying to get things in order at home so I could come here.  In many ways, I had no idea what life would look like here.  I didn’t know the people I was going to meet, the friends I was going to make, the experiences I would have.  I didn’t know the changes that would go on in me, the ways that God would speak to me, grow me and guide me further on this path of life and maturity.  And again, I find myself in that same place.  Except this time I’m preparing to go back home.

In the last nine months I’ve seen God work in my life in amazing ways, I’ve seen God work in the kids that I teach.  I watched some of them mature dramatically.  I’ve seen myself change.  Looking back, I know I’ve been here for a reason, I know God called me here, and I know He’s calling me to go back home.  And that’s all that matters…because if I came here because I wanted to and for no other reason, then it most likely would have been a waste of my time.  If I’m doing what I want to do because I want to do it, even if I think it’s a good thing, my efforts fall flat.  I’m here, because God called me here, He paved the way for it; every detail fell effortlessly into place.  It doesn’t mean it’s been easy, it just means every roadblock I put up was torn down rather quickly.

And it all comes back to God.  It all comes back to what He did for me all those years ago on that cross.  It all comes back to the meaning behind Easter.  In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul said “If Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and so is your faith.  Your faith is worthless; you are still in your sins.  If we have hope in Christ in this life only, we are to be pitied above all men.”

Long Overdue...

There are weeks that go by with nothing to write about.  It's just the same old stuff going on: school, detention duty, campo supervision, soccer games, hanging out with my house and the house next door, etc.  The last two weeks have had many things that I've thought "I really should do another blog entry" but haven't gotten around to it.  So let's see what I can do to catch up...

Two weekends ago I spent at a missionary conference.  It was very interesting.  The emphasis was mostly on determining where your passion lay, and then making sure that you were working in your area of passion.  [Okay, it was understood that we all have things that we have to do...administrative things or whatever that we usually don't have a passion for, but our focus and ministry should line up with our passion.]  I got a chance to talk with a number of missionaries there from all over Honduras in many different ministries.  I spent some time helping a missionary learn how to use her iPad (she saw me using mine, said she got one for her birthday but had no idea what she was doing, and regretted that she hadn't brought it along...and then found out that her husband had brought it).  There was a lot of relationship building and random conversations.  It was a really good chance to get to know people, and think a little bit more of this transition that I'm coming up on.

Speaking of the transition back home, I have purchased my plane ticket to go back to the States.  I'm flying in on June 17th.  It's a Sunday, and this will allow me to go to my church here one last time, say goodbye to everyone, and get dropped off at the airport.  It also gives me a week to get acclimated to the States again before seeing EVERYONE from back home at church.  Arriving late Saturday night and going to church Sunday morning last December was a lot to deal with...I enjoyed seeing people, but wow.  I don't know when I'm going to be moving back into my house, probably the beginning of July.

I will be coming back here on the medical brigade with my church the last week in July.  I may also stay at the Ranch for a week or two before or after that to help the next teacher with figuring out the curriculum (or subbing if he's not here yet).  I will definitely be back in time for my school back home to start.  It will be an interesting summer to say the least.  Last summer was all preparation to come here...this summer will be transitioning to life back in the States.  Leaving is going to be really bittersweet.  I miss people back home so much...but I'm going to miss the friends I've made here.  Some of them I can keep up with on facebook, but my students here aren't on facebook (shocking I'm sure).  The fact that I have a return date to Honduras, temporary as it is, will most likely be beneficial in that transition.

This week has been very relaxing.  We're on Semana Santa (Holy Week) which is a week of no school...and I've taken them as vacation days, so I haven't had to do anything.  Monday I went to Villa Elena - a country club - and had fun with some of the kids at the pool.  One of the little kids in particular is fearless...he kept wanting to do flips in water over his head even though he can't swim...completely trusting that I would be able to get his head above water when he was done. 

I've made it into the city a couple times for dinner...one night at Fridays (yes, they have it here) and last night was at a small Italian place.  After dinner last night the group of us went to see Los Juegos del Hambre (Hunger Games).  It was the first time I've been to the movies here.  It was interesting.  The movie was in English with Spanish subtitles.  That meant that audience responses to what was happening on screen happened when people finished reading the subtitles, not when the characters said the lines.  A little disconcerting, but I enjoyed the movie anyway.

Una Feria de Ciencias

About a year ago, maybe more, I took an online assessment about leadership...namely how I lead.  The results were that I prefer not to, but I will take on leadership roles if necessary.  But getting people to follow me isn't high on my priority list.  I will assign tasks to others in my group, and if they do them, great.  If not, it usually takes less energy for me to complete them than for me to convince others why they need to be done.

I mention this, because I was asked/informed last August that I was going to be putting together the Science Fair for the year.  That, and the date (March 15), was pretty much all the information I was given...not too much to go on.

I mostly ignored it last semester, because March seemed so far away.  It came back to me about the beginning of February that something was coming up that I needed to think about.  In the middle of February I sat down with the principal and asked her what exactly she was looking for with the Science Fair.  I was told that each high school student was either supposed to pick a topic to research and report on or was supposed to do an experiment.  This was supposed to be something outside of class time - a project on their own.

I brought it to the students.  The younger two picked topics to research.  The older ones wanted to do experiments...but not research experiments...they wanted to do demos.  Part of this is I've done demos for them, and they kind of wanted to do the demos themselves.

I was really nervous about it for some reason, and I think it goes back to my feelings about leadership.  This wasn't something I could control and this wasn't something I could take over.  I was "in charge" but I wasn't really doing anything during the Fair except for introducing who came next.  I didn't have many guidelines for it...which in some ways is a good thing, because I'd rather be given freedom than given a strict set of instructions.  In other ways it was uncomfortable, because I know from experience that my vision of something rarely follows other peoples' vision.

It went well.  The students had fun for the most part, I'm pretty sure the spectators enjoyed it.  It's a little flattering that half of the demos were ones I had shown the students.  Another demo was one I've done in the States but not here.  For all the students doing demos, I did make them give a scientific explanation of what they were doing and why it worked...they couldn't just decide to do a fun fire demo.  (Three of the four demos dealt with fire...and no I'm technically not teaching chemistry down here, but there are many places where fire demos can fit...)  Some of the younger students were there as well, and hopefully seeing the demos (or the fire stuff at least) sparked an interest in them.  They seemed to think it was pretty cool.

I tried to upload pictures but the internet is being too slow here, so that's not happening.  That may come later...for now I need to get back to work. 

March?!?!

Wow, time flies.  Or rather I just get so involved in living life here that I don't notice the passage so much.

It's the start of another day...Thursday.  Wednesdays for us are half-days, at least where school is involved.  What that means is it feels more like a Friday or weekend, because by time I get to the end of the day, I forget that, yes, we did have school that morning.  And Thursdays, in some ways, feel like another Monday.  [Wouldn't you love to have two Monday mornings a week...].

I've mentioned here and in newsletters that I've been getting to know a certain student here more one-on-one.  Well, about a month or so ago she came over to learn how to make brownies.  Yesterday she came over to learn how to make bread.  That is an all-day proposition...or rather an all-afternoon one.  I directed her in mixing the dough, helping where necessary, but for the most part she made it (yes, I am a teacher to my core).  It went well, and the timing was pretty good, the last pan came out of the oven about 5 minutes before she had to go home.  Part of the reason it was cut so close is she didn't come over until about an hour or so after school got out for the day...even though I warned her she would need to come over as soon as possible.  But it worked out, I got to spend some more time with her, and her family gets to enjoy the rolls for the next few days. 

It's really hard for me to believe that in a little over 3 months I'm going to be heading back to the States.  This time last year I was starting to get into the main part of fundraising to come here.  Now I'm looking at transitioning back home, and what exactly that means.  How do you go back to your old life when you've changed?  I'll be going back to people who know me...but who know the me from a year ago.  Some of them I've kept in close contact with, others send me an e-mail here and there.  How do you describe a year of life experience when most people have an attention span of about 15 seconds when it comes to the question "How was Honduras?".  How do you pick up the strands of your relationships with people when you've both been growing in possibly different directions for the last year.  And how do I keep my focus on God, where it should be, when I'm going from a place with few distractions (and super-slow internet) to a world where everything is a distraction?  The short answer is...I don't know, but I'm going to have to find out.

How to Make Your Life Difficult...

It's been a while since I've written on here.  That isn't to say that nothing has happened, thought a lot of it is more of the (now) routine variety, so I didn't feel the need to write about it.  The last month or so has been pretty rough on me emotionally and mentally.

It started when I picked up a book that had been recommended to me called Inside Out by Dr. Larry Crabb.  I'm the kind of person who reads a lot, and quickly.  I've read 5 books in the last week.  This book, however, wasn't one I could speed through.  I spent a lot of time pondering what it was saying, and looking at my own life, seeing both steps I had already taken to get closer to God, but also ways in which I was still protecting myself.  It was a difficult book to read, because it took me on an emotional, mental and spiritual journey...a necessary one, but not an easy one.  I spent time processing with God, I spent time processing with other people (some of whom have and some of whom have not read the book).  I'm not through processing, I know this, and I know there are some changes I'm probably going to need to make in my life when I return home, and even here to some extent.  I don't yet know what that looks like, though...I'm still working on that, and God's still working on that.

In the morning before school, I sit outside on my back porch and read my Bible, pray, listen to music, e-mail people, etc.  Last Wednesday I finished reading the New Testament, which I had started when I got here, pretty much read a chapter a day, etc.  So I was thinking about where I should read next, and I remembered a couple of years ago a friend of mine had decided to read the Bible...the whole thing...in 90 days.  I've read it in a year before (actually I started in January and finished in July...so less than a year), but I haven't ever dedicated that much time to reading the Bible every day.  I started this a week ago...last Thursday...in Ecclesiastes.  No, I can't explain why I started there as opposed to in the actual beginning of the Bible.  I really like Ecclesiastes, though, so that might be part of it.  And it means I'll be finishing my reading of the Old Testament at least with Proverbs, and wisdom is always good.

Well, this past week has probably been the most difficult week emotionally speaking that I've had here.  I've had a lot of things on my mind, I've been restless and gone wandering around the Ranch pretty much every night.  Most of the news I've gotten from home hasn't been encouraging.  I'm pretty sure there's spiritual warfare going on.  Which on one hand, reinforces the idea that I'm doing what I need to do...because when you're ineffective, often Satan leaves you alone.  But the last week has kind of been the capstone to the last month, which has pretty much been kicking my butt.  I'm not going to stop...but I do ask for prayer.  My goal is to finish reading through the Bible again by my birthday...which is actually less than 90 days from when I started.  If I don't make that deadline, I'm still shooting for the 90 days, but my guess is I'll do what I can to make it, even if it means staying up all night on Saturday before my birthday.

Advances in Language...

Random update (for those of you not on facebook)...I finally got my official residency ID card yesterday.  I've officially been a resident since December 1, but now I have the ID card to prove it so I don't have to carry my passport around for official purposes (going to the bank, etc.).

One of my goals coming down here was to become, if not fluent in Spanish, at least a lot more proficient.  The difficulty with that goal and living on the Ranch is that most people on the Ranch speak English, and the nearest translator is never more than a phone call away (and is sometimes right next to you).  I could probably make it through my entire time down here without having to speak more than a dozen words of Spanish (to order food in a restaurant and to buy groceries at the store). 

The first month or two that's basically what I did.  I heard Spanish everywhere, but I definitely relied on students to translate for me, or other adults to translate for me.  When people from the States spoke Spanish, I could usually understand it, but when the Hondurans spoke it, much of it went over my head. 

By the end of September or beginning of October I was starting to understand the Hondurans when they would speak.  I was at the point where I could recognize that I didn't know words they were using, but could identify (and maybe even look up) the word being used.  And for me, that is one of the most difficult parts of speaking with them is identifying individual words, because initially they all seemed to run together.

In November I started taking Spanish classes with one of the teachers here, and that was very encouraging.  It forced me to speak more Spanish.  I was at the point where I could understand much of what was being said to me, but I never forced myself to speak it unless the person I was speaking with didn't know English.  So actually taking a class did force me to speak a little bit more, and think more in Spanish. 

Going home to the States showed me that I was functioning a bit more in the language, because it took a while for my automatic responses (thank you, excuse me, good morning, goodbye) to transfer back to English.  Coming back to Honduras, on my first flight I was seated next to an elderly hispanic couple.  He spoke some English, but she didn't speak any as far as I could tell.  She was on the plane first, looking for her seat, and looking very confused.  I saw her boarding pass as she was turning around and realized that she was sitting in my row.  She was talking to herself in Spanish, so I asked her in Spanish if she was supposed to be sitting by me.  She looked a little surprised initially (probably to hear me speaking in Spanish, because I had been conversing before with someone else in English), but realized that she was, but then she didn't know which seat, so she asked me which seat F was, and I understood the question and was able to answer it.  A little thing, but it felt good.  And when her husband showed up, she had him thank me for her in English...evidently she understood my Spanish, could see that I understood hers, but living in the States, was very accustomed to talking with strangers through her husband. 

Now I'm in the second half of my year here.  Yesterday my principal passed along the message that my spanish teacher had told her I was doing well in the language, which always makes me feel good.  I had a conversation with my housekeeper today in which I understood most of what she said, and I'm pretty sure she understood what I was saying.  I'm not taking translation at church anymore, and I'm usually understanding what's being taught.  So while I would not yet say I'm proficient (and definitely not fluent), I may say that I'm functional in the language.  I can have conversations about more than "Hi, how are you?  What's your name? Pleased to meet you."  The key for me is I need to keep pushing myself to practice and be willing to use the language.  I also need to expand my vocabulary a bit...then again, I can be creative in getting my idea across, even when I don't know all the words...sometimes all it takes is a little bit of thought. 

Allergies? Really?

Since I've returned to Honduras I've had what I thought initially was a cold.  I was coughing, sneezing, sinus problems, runny nose, whatever.  But when I was inside certain buildings it was better, and when I was outside it was worse, and it didn't make any sense for any cold I've ever had...which leads me to believe that it's not a cold.

Growing up, the only allergy I've had to deal with is to a medication.  I haven't had plant induced allergies, I don't dread the changing seasons.  But i'm pretty sure there is some plant down here that is pollenating or whatever that I am allergic to...something I don't encounter back in the States.  Because I'm not used to dealing with allergies, it took me until Monday to come to the conclusion that I might be dealing with allergies.  Yesterday I took some 24 hour allergy medicine (one of the advantages to having keys to the clinic...I didn't have to wait for someone to get it for me), and I took another one today.  I have noticed a difference.  The symptoms aren't completely gone, but they're not as severe.  On one hand, I'll take that as a win...on the other, I don't want to have to deal with this for however many months.  The plus side is there are meds, the down side is I need them.

Hopefully the meds do what they're supposed to do, I'll get used to taking them, and I can get through this.  It does beat feeling miserable and going through a box of Kleenex a day (not too much of an exaggeration).

Happy New Year! :-)

It's very hard to believe that 2012 is here.  Fortunately, my time home was enough to make me feel that at least it was winter.  But waking up the first day of the year to birds tweeting outside my room...a little strange. 

In the last year a lot of changes have gone on in my life, and I've definitely learned a lot more about trusting God and stepping out on faith.  I started this blog a little over a year ago, and re-reading some of the entries makes me remember the ways, large and small, God has shown me that He is there, and this is where I'm supposed to be.

My time at home was definitely good.  I'm glad I was there.  But now I need to recover.  Being here feels in many ways like coming home.  I've been down to the school, seen people, spoken in Spanish...it all feels familiar.  It's strange that this time last year I had just been asked to come down and teach, I still didn't know it was really happening, I was waiting on the official word from my school to see whether or not I was going to get a leave of absence.  Four months later I had a ticket, and less than three months later I was here. 

I know I have an interesting year ahead of me.  I'm here (in Honduras) for 5+ more months.  My time home definitely showed me that I'm supposed to go back to the States and teach there for at least one more year.  After that, I really don't know what God has in store for me.  I may be there, I may be here, I may be somewhere else entirely.  It will be interesting in this coming year to see how I've changed teaching here, living here, and seeing how God has worked in my life and the lives of those around me.  I know in many ways my perspective is different.  I'm less busy here, and I like that.  I'm not afraid of down time anymore, I know I'm not done working through some of my issues and stuff from my past, but I've definitely made strides in that, and I know that God can carry me through that and heal me.  I'm probably going to try to back off of some of what I was involved in before I came down.  School and Campus Life most likely won't change...but I don't know about a lot of the rest of it. 

I'm sure there are a million stories and things I could say about the year, some of them rehashing what I've already written about, others are things I never wrote about, but this late at night nothing is really coming to mind.  I'll blame part of it on tiredness, as I haven't completely recovered from traveling here, but a lot of it is looking back on the year, I'm more seeing it as one connected whole rather than individual stories.  I'm looking forward to what God's going to be teaching me and how He's going to be using me this year.  I hope I learn quickly...it tends to be easier that way. :-)