Musings

I was greeting at church today, which means I stand in front of the building like an idiot and say hi to people who are walking in.  [Actually, I open the door for them as they come in, and I have a no-so-secret competition with the other person opening the door to see who can convince more people to go through our respective door, it's quite fun!]  Anyway, a couple came in (not to my door, unfortunately) and they looked familiar, but I couldn't place them for a minute.  I realized, after they had gone in, that I had gone to high school with them.  So after service, I went up to talk with them.  By that point they had made the connection as well (have you ever had those moments when you know that you must know someone because they're giving you the same sort of "wait, what do I know you from again" look...yeah, that's basically what was happening).  It was really interesting to talk with him (she got pulled into conversation with someone else shortly after saying hi).  Neither of us had known the other was a Christian in high school, we didn't run in the same circles, but it's amazing how being part of the same body (church body that is) totally makes all other barriers fall away.  It was really encouraging.  We actually spent most of the time just sharing how God has been working in our lives over the last 10 years, and laughing about how right about the time you think you have your life planned out, God hits you up over the head with something new.  And you're totally blessed by what God has in store for you, but all the while you keep looking at Him and asking what in the world He's doing.

And this morning is just one instance of the numerous times God has reminded me in the past month that He knows what He's doing in this whole Honduras thing.  Last summer the thought was "at some (nebulous) time in the future, I may return to Honduras to teach".  I think when I left I even made the comment that I might be back some time, but it definitely wouldn't be next school year.  I think in some ways God enjoys turning our "nevers" and "definitely nots" into "wow...sure".  God definitely has a sense of humor, and a sense of the ironic.  I vaguely remember in college being small amounts jealous that my older sister had the opportunity to study abroad in Costa Rica for 3 months.  I wanted to, but there was no way it would fit into my schedule with both majors.  I was having enough trouble trying to get all the classes I needed in without spending a semester in another country.  That was 9 years ago, I think.  So instead of studying abroad for 3 months, I get to teach abroad for a year...using BOTH of those degrees. 

I'm reminded over and over of Jeremiah 29:11-13 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will hear you.  You shall seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with your whole heart."  God had this all planned long ago.  He knows how it is going to play out, where the money is going to come from, how the preparations will go, the challenges and successes I'll experience over the next year and a half. I just have to stay close to Him.  I trust that His grace is enough, His provisions will come, and His timing is perfect.  The irony (and truth) is that I have so many personal stories of how God's timing and provisions work, yet the moment it seems like maybe it's not working out this time, I want to take it all back.  You would think that past experiece would show me that God has it all worked out.  And intellectually I know He does...but there still are those moments...so conversations like this morning where I'm reminded of everything God has done for me and the ways He has guided me in the past are so encouraging!

Approved!!!

I got word today that my school board has approved my leave of absence.  So that means that I can leave...and have a job to come back to the following year.  The last roadblock to me going to Honduras has now been removed!  So...who wants to give me $20,000? :-) :-) ;-)

Things are starting to pick up...

Using the obvious metaphor of the snowball rolling down a hill (mostly because it's snowing outside), that's what it feels like is happening with this adventure right now.  It's nearly the end of January, and I have most of what I needed to get done in January completed.  [I have to-do lists for each month, I need to be organized!] 
- I finished re-writing my prayer letter yesterday, I sent it to Robin for editing, and once she has gotten it back to me, I'll send it to WGO for clearance before e-mailing, mailing and posting it.
- The school board votes tonight on whether to grant me a year-long leave of absence.  If granted, this guarantees me a job back in my district after my year of teaching in Honduras is complete.
- I got my official WGO e-mail address set up and figured out today.
- I was officially put on the WGO website today so people who want to donate can do so directly through the website.
- My budget was officially approved today.  So now my official target amount to raise is $20,000.

All of this happened (or will happen in the case of the board vote) within 48 hours...after a few weeks of nothing really.  No new developments, no new information, no progress...and suddenly it's all happening really really quickly.  It's starting to seem more real.  It probably won't seem completely real until I've been there for a few days, but I can see God working and bringing pieces together. 

Gifts...

I was reading in Romans today and was struck anew by both the simplicity and difficulties of the Gospel message.  The simplicity is that salvation and eternal life is a gift.  The difficulty is that salvation and eternal life are a gift.  There is nothing we can do to earn them.  We live in a culture where you don’t get something for nothing.  Where there is no pride, actually there is much shame, in accepting help and in admitting that you can’t do something on your own.  We’ve cultivated the “self-sufficiency” mindset, and then we look around and wonder why there are so many problems.  To a child, the message of the gospel is easy.  They are accustomed to accepting help, they are accustomed to having their parents do things for them that they can’t do.  So the picture of Jesus coming to die for us, to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves, isn’t such a stretch for them.  But once we reach a certain age, we are expected to do for ourselves.  And explaining to an adult that there are things they need help with takes a certain swallowing of pride, and is often very difficult.  We’d rather accept the mediocre that we can accomplish than the excellent that we have to accept from someone else.  We mistrust things that are labeled “free” because there has to be a catch somewhere.  If something appears too good to be true, we feel that it probably is.  And sadly, this is nothing new.  Paul talks about it in Romans, how many of the Jews refused to accept righteousness through faith and were instead pursuing whatever righteousness they could gain through works.  And works and the law just showed them how very spiritually lost they were.  No matter how much they tried and how many good things they did, it never was enough, never could be enough, to cover over the times they had screwed up.  They could never gain perfection by doing good to cover over the bad.

As I’m prayerfully entering the stage of fundraising, I’m reminded anew just how much I can’t do anything on my own, and how much I need to be dependent on God’s timing and provision.  There are times when this all feels very overwhelming, and I need to remind myself that I don’t need to raise this money, God needs to raise this money.  And when the money is there, He will get the glory!

Among Good Company...

I can’t go too far in this whole thought journey before I acknowledge how blessed I’ve been by my family.  I come from a family who is and has been dedicated to God long before I was born.  My parents are solid examples of what it means to live for God, both in actions and in words (as well as what it means to be an NT…both in actions and in words…but personality is another whole issue).  They have taught me a lot about what faith in God looks like.  It takes a lot of faith and trust to allow your newly-sixteen-year-old daughter to go to Jamaica with a group of high school students on a mission trip.  It takes faith to see her then travel to more countries over the years when there are sicknesses (and deaths) in the family.  They have always been supportive and accepting of what I’ve wanted to do with these trips.  In 2009, when we were still planning on going down to Honduras my father was asked what he thought about the whole thing…his daughter going into a volatile political situation.  His response was that God can take better care of me than he can.  He recognizes that we have no control over life, wherever we may be, but God does…even in some interesting situations and places. 

My extended family is also really supportive, and rather active, in the mission field on short term trips.  Most of my siblings have gone on trips.  Most of my cousins have also gone on missions trips.  My aunt has gone to Honduras more than I have (a different part of the country).  My uncle has been down to the Dominican Republic on numerous occasions as well (taking my cousin along for the more recent of those).  I have two cousins adopted from Guatemala.  My aunt and uncle found out about the first of those two (Mikayla) through a missions trip that others in their church took.  They then went through the long, tedious process of adopting specifically her.  Later they adopted Jaden.  And that also led to multiple trips to Guatemala for members of that side of the family.  I am so thankful for the legacy of a Godly family…starting well before me and hopefully continuing well after me.  And for those who have gone before me…what I remember most about my grandmother is her constant prayers.  When I think of her, I can clearly hear her voice in my head, lifted in prayer for me, for my siblings, for the rest of my family.  And then my grandfather (on the other side)…I remember how consistently he lived his life, and his evident joy in the midst of his suffering.  And I remember that last weekend, pushing him in a wheelchair up and down the halls of the nursing home and singing “Jesus Loves Me” at his request, as he tried to join in…when he could hardly speak clearly anymore.  I have been blessed with an amazing family!

Word is leaking out...with a variety of responses

As I’ve shared with people about this journey I’m preparing for and hoping to take starting in July, I’ve received varied responses, ranging from super excited for me to harshly questioning what would possess me to do this.  The other day I was speaking with a high schooler and was asked the question why I would be going.  I said I was going to be teaching at an orphanage.  The response was a “well, why do they need chemistry?”  Assuming that he was picturing orphans as primarily young children, I explained that I would be teaching at a K-12 school, so the students I would be teaching would be his age.  He seemed a little more understanding with that, but definitely still questioning why in the world I would go.  Others that seemed against the trip initially (or questioning why I would want to go) eventually changed their views as they’ve heard more about it, seen pictures, etc.  In some cases they’ve actually become really supportive!  And then you have people who have been excited from the first.  I had one teacher find me today to tell me that NHS wants to take me on (well Rancho Ebenezer on) as a “project”.  Basically they want to plan a fundraiser to do here at our school to raise money for the ranch.  I’m not sure I even know any of the kids in this NHS group.  I’ve had students disappointed because they were hoping to have me for chemistry next year.  For something that I figured would just be a personal decision, it’s gotten a lot more of a response than I ever anticipated.  I appreciate that, because I can talk about it for hours…but people actually let me!  I so appreciate how encouraging and supportive most everyone has been (which probably means you, if you’re reading this!).  I appreciate the prayer, words of encouragement, and the energy I’ve gotten from seeing you all get excited for me, as I’m preparing for this journey.  Thank you all so much!

Isn't it ironic...

In thinking about my past experiences, things that I've gone through and things that I've done, I'm finding that there are many seemingly inconsequential things that now add up to make this opportunity possible and beneficial...

- I took Spanish in high school, as opposed to French or German (I guess they offer Chinese now, too).
- I debated between going into nursing or teaching...but after tutoring for a few years and finding an aptitude for it, I decided on teaching.
- I attended the college that gave me the best scholarship...however they didn't have the best degree selection (for me).  I wanted to teach Chemsitry.  They didn't offer a Chem/Secondary. Ed degree.  I had the option (if I continued to go there) of getting a full Chemistry degree and either a Math/Sec. Ed degree or a Biology/Sec. Ed degree.  I decided to do the path of least (intellectual) resistence for me, and double major in Math Secondary Ed, even though that did require more credit hours.  But this now allows me to teach both subjects down in Honduras.
- I was asked to interview (and later hired) at a high school I had never actually applied to.  They had a resume, dropped off at a job fair.  I got a random phone call at 9:30 at night asking me to come in and interview for a Chemistry position.  I didn't even know where the school was located.  At this school, I have had the opportunity to teach both science and math, good preparation for what I will be doing.
- I have tenure...which is what gives me the chance to leave and return to teach in the same district.
- There are teachers retiring at the end of next school year, which also means that whoever is hired for my position (if anyone is) will potentially get to stay permanently.
- I have had many opportunities to travel outside the United States without family, so it is something I'm very comfortable doing.  [I have actually never been outside the country WITH family, other than Carolyn joining me in Honduras this past summer...and we traveled on different airlines, so I'm not sure if that counts.]
- I have, somehow, some way, over the last 8 or 9 months, become much more outgoing.  This is not something I tried to develop.  I was happy being an introvert (and it's not that I'm really an extrovert now, but I'm much more comfortable meeting new people and striking up conversations with random strangers).
- A friend's daughter is getting married at the beginning of the summer, and she and her soon-to-be husband are interested in renting out my townhouse while I'm gone for the next year.

These are just what has come to mind right now.  I'm sure if I thought about it I could come up with many many more ways that I have been prepared for this, and that the timing is right.  God works in amazing ways.

The beginning of it all...

I’ll extend an apology ahead of time.  These first few months of entries will probably be as much (if not more) for me to process through verbally (well, in written form) as for you to read.  You’re welcome to join me as I reflect on both the events and thoughts that brought me to this adventure, and what has happened as I prepare for this new chapter in my life. 

My interest in Honduras started a long time ago.  My church has been taking groups down there for well over 10 years.  While I was in college it was something I considered doing, however I couldn't do it because I was in school, and our church went during the beginning of November.  And as I moved into teaching, I still faced the same difficulties with time (or lack thereof).  That brought me to 2006.  In 2006 our church decided to explore interest in a summer trip: the last week of July.  I signed up right away, as did a number of other people in the education field and a few college students.  I was very excited to go.  I had heard wonderful stories, and I couldn't wait to experience it for myself.

A week and two days before we were set to leave, my mom woke me up to tell me that they had taken my grandmother (her mother) to the hospital, and that she was leaving to go there with my grandpa.  I had grown up next door to my grandparents.  I would run over there all the time when I was growing up.  My grandmother first taught me to cook, gave me a love of crosswords, and more importantly would listen to me and just talk with me as if I was an adult.  [Don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, they are amazing people, but my grandma has a very special place in my heart.]  Over the next few days it became evident that my grandma had suffered a stroke, and probably wasn't going to recover.  She was on a ventilator for a few days.  There was no improvement, and knowing her wishes not to needlessly prolong her life on a ventilator, she was taken off it on Monday.  Her breathing grew increasingly laboured all day, and Tuesday morning she died.  My aunt was out of the country at the time, returning the day I was to leave.  So I had a decision to make.  I could stay home, and I was told by many people that no one would blame me for that.  If I stayed, I would be surrounded by family, by support, and I would have an opportunity to celebrate my grandmother's wonderful life.  Or I could go on this trip, and serve people I didn't know in a country I had never been to.  My family was wonderful, and refused to pressure me either way.  I don't remember when exactly I made the decision, but I realized that my grandmother would rather have me go on the trip, serve other people, and share the love of Christ with them, than stay home and cry over a body she was no longer inhabiting.  So I left on Saturday as planned.  The group I was with was extremely supportive.  All the people going from my church knew the situation.  I spent the first few days of the trip kind of in a fog.  During this trip, on Wednesday, I had my first visit to Rancho Ebenezer, the orphanage run by WGO.  I thought it was really interesting.  They were in the process of building the school.  One side was operational, the other was still in progress.  At the time I thought it was very cool what they were doing for the kids, and at some point in time, maybe after reitrement, it would be fun to come down there and teach.  The last part of the week, I spent the time working in evangelism, and it ended up being an awesome week.  Returning home, I knew that I had made the right decision in going.

Summer of 2007 I had the opportunity to go to Estonia, and help at an English language camp put on by some missionaries and a church in Tartu.  I greatly enjoyed my time there.  I met some incredible people (I'm trying to change up the superlatives a little bit so this isn't incredibly boring to read), and realized that I really do enjoy teaching people period.  However I also really enjoy getting to know the students that I'm teaching.  It was interesting to hear about what life in Estonia is like.  It was strange being in a place that only got about 4 hours of darkness during the summer...I would guess based on the sun's position that it was about 8 at night, check my watch and see it was 10:30 pm.  A good experience, and I would have gladly returned, but the following summer I decided to go back to Honduras.

Summer 2008: Honduras trip #2.  This time I was looking forward to being able to go without the whole "missing a funeral" overshadowing and messing with my emotions.  My grandfather gave me a scare about a week before I left (he fell amongst his piles of junk in his house, couldn't get up again because it was too slippery, and spent a few days laying on the floor until he was found...but I knew by time I left he was going to be okay) however I was able to truly experience everything on this trip emotionally healthy, though a little tired.  I realized that I loved being down there.  I love the people, I love the country, I love the language (well, what little Spanish I could understand).

Summer 2009: I planned to go back down to Honduras this summer.  I was becoming a regular on these trips, and figured that's where it would stay.  About a month before we were to go to Honduras, the president of Honduras decided to do a little...creative...and unconstitutial...decision making in order to potentially prolong his tenure in office.  He was removed from office and the country, and spent the next few months trying to get back in, which caused basic unrest and periodic closing of the airport in Tegucigalpa.  Due to this, the decision was made (12 hours before we were scheduled to leave) that it would be prudent for us to cancel the trip for this year.  Immediately after I found out we had cancelled the trip (a few hours later), I called my parents who were in Minnesota, visiting my grandparents up there.  I was already packed...granted to go elsewhere, but 30 minutes of shuffling clothes and thing later, I left to drive up to Minnesota.  I arrive shortly after midnight (there is no traffic on those roads late at night, at least not random Friday nights in July) and spent the rest of the weekend visiting with family up there.  I cherish that time now, because it was the last time I was really able to talk with my grandfather.  He died later that fall.  I did get to see him the weekend before he passed, which was such a blessing, and I did make it to his funeral.

Summer 2010:  I went back to Honduras...this time with my younger sister (among others).  I knew what to expect, and figured that this is just something I do now.  I know my way around somewhat.  I've worked in almost each part of the medical brigade.  I can do this.  It's amazing how things can seem "routine" after a few experiences...we are constantly defining what is "normal".  Tuesday night, as we were talking about the day, what had happened, etc. the announcement was made that we were going to Rancho Ebenezer the next day (as per normal), however if you didn't want to go, you could stay behind and help sort pills, because the pharmacy was running low.  I considered staying behind.  I went to bed that night planning on staying behind.  I had been to the ranch twice, and didn't see why this was going to be any different from the previous times.  However, I decided to go, mostly because it would be Carolyn's first time there.  I didn't realize there would be other effects from this trip.

From the time I got out to Rancho Ebenezer, I felt a pull.  As I was walking around, looking at what I had seen before more than once, I felt like I was supposed to be there.  I'm not really one for the whole "touchy-feely" thing, so I was ignoring it, figuring that I was just feeling queasy from the not-so-calm bus ride over the not-quite-smooth dirt road.  I spent some time speaking with the person guiding our tour, asking questions about the school, the ranch, etc.  In the course of the conversation, she made a comment that usually they were okay on staffing, however they had never found someone comfortable teaching upper level science classes.  They also had trouble normally with upper level math classes.  I laughed a little bit, which earned me a questioning look, and I explained that I teach both of those subject areas.  The conversation turned a little more informative after that, in terms of "well, if you were interested in coming down...".  I left the ranch feeling slightly uneasy, but again, put it down to the wonders of yellow school bus transportation.  Over the next few days I had more conversations with people at the mission house about what all teaching down there entails.  I spent a lot of time thinking about it and praying about it.  When I left Honduras that time around, it was with the idea that sometime in the next five to ten years, I may be back to teach. 

About a week after I got back home, I was e-mailed an electronic application.  I started filling it out, got to the point where it asked for references, and decided I wouldn't bug people then, because it was after 11 pm, so I'd talk with them sometime later and get back to the application then...and I forgot about it.

In October, in the course of a week, I had three conversations with three different people in which Honduras came up.  Suddenly it was always on my mind, pressing, nagging me.  So I spent more time praying about it, and decided to finish the application.  That Saturday, I e-mailed in my application...and I waited.  [I also told my parents and pastor during this time what I was up to.  My pastor was very excited.  My father's first comment was "we're not taking your cat!" which was expected because my mother is allergic to Loiosh.  But they were happy for me while still making sure that I know what I'm doing, and I'm being realistic about this...which is good.  That's what parents are for.]  I heard back from them by e-mail in November (which seemed an eternity later...I think I need to learn to be more patient).  The e-mail basically said they had received my application and wanted to talk with me sometime on the phone.  I replied back with free time that next week.  Through a little miscommunication, we finally did connect two and a half weeks later, the day before Thanksgiving.  I was contacted two weeks later for an official phone interview.  After the phone interview we both spent the next week in prayer.  On one hand this frustrated me a little bit, mostly because I had been praying about this for months and felt that this was clearly what I've been called to do.  On the other hand, I was very appreciative that they as an organization want to make sure they are pursuing what God wants, not what they want.  They need an upper level math and science teacher, however they wanted to make sure that I was the one God had chosen for this.  A week later I was asked for clearance to contact my reference people (to make sure I had let them know it was coming), and I got an e-mail a few days before Christmas that I was being asked to come down this coming school year to teach at Rancho Ebenezer.  Wow...I'm really doing this!!!

Currently, where I am in the process: I've requested a year-long unpaid leave of absence from my school district.  It has to be approved by the board, which will be meeting the end of January.  I have been verbally reassured by a few people (who should know) that it will go through, however I still am waiting on the official confirmation.  I also am beginning the process of getting organized to fund-raise.  This first involves setting a budget (so I know how much I need to raise) and writing letters, talking with people, and oh yes, a lot more prayer.  [If you need to jump-start your prayer life, apply to become a missionary, you'll have no choice, or you'll get nowhere!!!]

I'll be updating this as often as I can.  I plan to post parts of the process, as well as what I experience while I'm there...and probably (eventually) what I go through as reverse culture shock sets in...coming back to the States after a week abroad is shocking enough.  I can't really imagine what it's going to be like after a year.