Happy Thanksgiving (a few days late…)

It really doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving has come and gone.  Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday celebrated in Honduras, so for all the Hondurans it was just another work day.  Some of the things I associate with Thanksgiving (besides the food – liver dumpling soup, bread dumplings with sweet and sour cabbage, cranberry drink and of course, turkey and stuffing) are waking up early to freeze while watching the guys in my church play flag football, time with family, searching the ads after the meal (but usually before dessert) and deciding yet again it’s not worth waking up super early on Black Friday.  It’s still not cold here (not that I'm complaining, mind you), my family is in another country (though fortunately just a phone call away), and Black Friday probably would sound evil to most people down here (though we did see a poster advertising Black Friday sales...in English...wonder who their target audience was...).

This Thanksgiving was a little different.  I slept in, first of all.  Then I went into the city to an English-speaking church to celebrate.  This church is comprised of a lot of missionaries from the States, as well as Hondurans, and people of other countries too.  Think church potluck Thanksgiving, and you probably won’t be too far off.  There were the traditional dishes (though sadly no liver dumpling soup), and then there was fried rice, some sort of pureed fruit casserole, and a few other dishes I would never think to see at Thanksgiving (though they were good).

After lunch, because I was in the city (read as “great cell phone coverage”) I called home, and talked with family there for about an hour.  It still didn’t feel like Thanksgiving, necessarily, but it was nice to talk with people, and I know I get to see them all soon (in three weeks I’ll be in the States).

Things I’m thankful for…well, I’m definitely thankful that I got a chance to call home and talk with people.  I’m thankful for technology, which has made living in a different country so much easier, because I can still stay connected with people back home.  I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made here, the people I interact with.  I’m thankful that God guided me here, and made it very obvious that I’m supposed to be here.  Strange as it seems, it’s only been a year (and four days) since my first phone interview for coming down here.  I’m thankful for my school back home – that they gave me a year off and guaranteed me a job when I return.  I’m thankful for all the details that God worked out to get me here.  I’m thankful for the friends I have back home who make an effort to keep in touch.  I know how difficult that is, because out of sight really is out of mind sometimes.  I’m thankful that I get to go home in a few weeks and see people there.  I’m thankful that Spanish is starting to come a little more easily.

On that note…this past Wednesday night I went to a prayer meeting at my pastor’s house.  My pastor speaks very little English, so it was run in Spanish.  I actually understood most of what he said without translation, and was able to join in the conversation by the end of the night.  This morning I didn’t have a translator for the service either, and I probably caught 80-90% of what he was saying (there were a few times my brain shut down, but I was usually able to pick up the train of thought shortly afterward).  And I had a short conversation with the cashier when I purchased more “minutes” on my phone.  [His comment, after explaining that he had to do separate transactions, was that I was spending a lot more than most people do.  I explained that most of my phone calls are to the States, at which point he nodded and said it was a good reason.  Calling home is cheaper using Tigo (the phone provider I have here) than it would be using my phone from home, but still an hour phone call goes through slightly more than L120 ($6.50)…so the L500 credit I got today gives me about an hour of phone time a week for a month.  Comparatively speaking, an hour phone call using Verizon would be more than $100…probably close to $150, so I’ll take the $6.50.]

And now the question is whether I should write curriculum or write in my novel.  I’m getting close to being done, which is good, because I need to be done by Dec. 1 (according to Nanowrimo rules).  I’m over the word count I need, now I just need to finish the story. 

Sunburn in November?

I think I managed to avoid it, actually, but it was close.

This past week has been an interesting one where school is concerned.  Instead of finishing up with finals, like I'm accustomed to, we finish the year with celebrations...and cleaning.  My last "normal" day of school was Tuesday.  Wednesday we had the first class, and then activities, culminating in a soccer game with the visiting brigade (last one of the year).  Then today, I was responsible for supervising a few of the students with cleaning three of the classrooms (and other teachers were responsible for other students and classrooms).  After that, we had a Christmas party (and watched Elf).  After lunch we headed up to the campo (soccer field) for games.  I figured I was going to sit on the sidelines, read more of my Spanish homework, and watch occasionally.  I ended up participating, initially against my wishes.  And while the morning had been overcast and rainy, the sun came out shortly before we got up to the campo...and while I brought bug spray, I didn't think to put sunscreen in my bag.  The bug spray was used and appreciated by multiple people.  I think I did manage to avoid actually getting burned...but my face and arms definitely have more color than they did this morning.  And there were a few bugs that managed to get past the spray...but only a few.

This afternoon I spent the time playing catch up with my Spanish homework - reading a book in Spanish (or part of a book) and writing in my journal in Spanish.  Evidently I did well, because my teacher told me that she's only going to speak with me in Spanish from now on.  My initial response to her (in Spanish) was if there are other people around who don't speak Spanish, it would be rude...and I'll need to make sure I'm always around those who don't speak Spanish (I have a few people to choose from there).  After class I told her that if she wants to talk with me in Spanish, that's fine, it probably will help me a lot.  But just the thought of only operating in Spanish is a little intimidating.  I want to get to that point...but at the same time I want to have the safety net to fall back on.  My personality type...I can be something of an intellectual diletante...and once I get good enough at something where I know I could gain proficiency, it's no longer as important and I move on.  This would get me past the "good enough" point.  I want to get past that point...so while my first impulse was to object, I know I should encourage it.

Tomorrow is graduation, and then...freedom...well, after a fashion.  I will have more flexibility in my schedule, but next week starts probably four weeks of curriculum development, not to mention tutoring.  I'm sure I'll have other things going on as well.  I leave for home exactly one month from today (or 4 weeks from Saturday).  That will be a whirlwind by itself, I'm sure.  I'm trying to come up with a schedule for what I'm doing each day...which will probably be the only way that I get to see everyone ("everyone" is a fairly loose term there).  I'll be at LGCC the first Sunday (Dec. 18th), probably go into school and then spend the rest of the day at Starbucks in LZ sometime that week (Tuesday maybe?)...we're going up to Minnesota for Christmas, and I don't know what else yet.  But for now I have 4 weeks in which I will probably do a good job of keeping myself busy...and I have 12 more days to finish my novel.  Which I may work on tonight before going to bed...or I may forget it, go to bed, and work on it tomorrow after graduation.

Mi Clase de Español

I promised a few people I wouldn't write these blogs in Spanish, so I won't, don't worry.

One of the things I really wanted coming down here was to become fluent, or at least proficient, in Spanish.  Considering how much I've traveled to Spanish-speaking countries, I figured it's a good skill to have, not to mention the fact that I'm going to be here for a year in total.

At this point I'm three and a half months into my time here, and I've progressed a little bit in Spanish (mostly on being able to understand other people when they speak, which, granted, is a huge first step).  But I still haven't spoken much Spanish...I'm not forced to, because nearly everyone on the Ranch speaks English, and those that don't I can normally get by with the limited Spanish I have, and if I'm desperate, get one of the students to translate.  Going to church forces me to at least listen in Spanish (unless I feel like being lazy and totally rely on the translator).  I got together with one of my students a handful of times and she helped me a bit, but life got busy and we stopped that.

A few weeks ago (or maybe a month ago, I don't remember), a new Honduran teacher moved to the Ranch.  She is bilingual (not all the Honduran teachers are - they teach the students in Spanish), and somewhere along the line she was willing to start a Spanish conversation "class"...basically a group of us get together and spend the time conversing, mostly in Spanish, so we can practice.  Last night was my first night going to the class (I just found out about it a week ago, I don't know how long it's been going).  I was nervous walking into it.  I know I can read well in Spanish, but I don't have much confidence at all in my conversational skills [in Spanish or in English!].

I didn't really have anything to be nervous about...the class went really well.  We spent two and a half hours talking, mostly in Spanish, with some English thrown in.  At one point my teacher looked at me and the girl sitting next to me on the couch and asked us why we don't normally speak in Spanish, because we definitely know enough to converse at this point.  For me, it's one part uncertainty and one part fear.

I'm accustomed to knowing what I'm doing, and having a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about.  And hopefully there will come a time when that translates into Spanish as well as English, but for now, I don't trust myself speaking in Spanish.  When I'm talking with people who only understand Spanish, the need to communicate can override the uncertainty...I'll take a stab at speaking because the other option is to sit in silence, but when I'm talking with someone (like my students) who understand both, and who know English much better than I know Spanish, I usually revert to English.  Hopefully I can force myself to stop that.  I'm getting to know one of my girls better, we've spent some time together, and with her I may be comfortable enough to try speaking in Spanish. 

It was encouraging for my teacher to ask me why I don't speak in Spanish, because it implied that I could.  Now I just need to get over myself and be willing to make mistakes and look like a fool in front of people...which for me is very difficult...but it's necessary if I want to get past where I'm at right now.  I'm not going to improve if I'm not willing to take some risks here.

And There ARE Good Days

I hate leaving depressing posts up for too long.  Not that it was necessarily depressing as much as it was just reality, and some times reality isn't flowers, hearts, bunny rabbits, and rainbows.  But the past twenty-four plus hours were definitely an encouragement.

First, I do have to mention the e-mail responses I got back from my newsletter, because hearing from people back home is always awesome.  It makes my day to know that people at home are thinking of me (even if they're just thinking of me because they opened their inbox and found a page-long e-mail from me).  I appreciate it a lot, so thank you (and keep them coming).

Yesterday was relaxing.  I read a little.  I went to the dentist...for admittedly the first time in a while...and the dentists were from home...the next town over or so from me, so while I was laying there with my mouth open we talked about home (well, they talked...you know how it is).  And no cavities, which was nice.  Maybe not so relaxing, but nice.  I watched a movie with my roommate.  And, I got invited to play Settlers of Catan with some of the other people on the Ranch.  I've been invited once or twice before but never went.  Well, yesterday I figured it sounded like fun (and it was).  The game "started" at 8...rather board set-up started at 8, which for those of you who play know something of how that goes...and we weren't playing the original, we were playing with an expansion set, which includes building ships to explore the ocean...so the set-up was a little more involved than usual.  But still, fun was had and the game eventually ended shortly after 11.  When I was walking home, I noticed it seemed rather bright out and looked up to a rather spectacular display of stars.  It was a completely clear night...much clearer than we've had lately.  So after I got home I put on a sweatshirt (it was a little chilly out), went back out and spent another 10 to 15 minutes wandering around and staring at the stars.  The moon was bright enough that I didn't even use the flashlight I had brought with me.

Today, driving in to church in the busito also was good.  On the way, we pick up a family who lives about a mile or so from the Ranch.  Bienvenida almost always comes, and some of her children and grandchildren...which changes from week to week.  At times there are two or three people we're picking up, at times there are six.  Today it was Bienvenida, three of her children (she has 8 or 9 I think...but I don't know for sure), and two grandchildren.  One of them, Valeria, comes often...and today she was the first one on the busito, and picked the seat next to me.  She just turned two last week, and she's adorable...just saying.  Within ten minutes, Valeria started nodding off, and leaning against my side...which with the bounciness of the busito didn't really seem that comfortable for her, so I picked her up and put her in my lap...and she promptly fell asleep.  She slept until after we were in the city (while we were picking up other people...it's a 15 passenger busito...and usually it's pretty full by time we get to church).  There's something restful about a child sleeping in your lap.  And considering Valeria was super shy and refused to make eye contact with me for the first month or so after I got here, it was encouraging.  [After church I got a chance to hold Bienvenida's other granddaughter, who is 4 months old.  She fell asleep against my shoulder...it took her about three minutes after we left the church.  She slept all the way to the mall, where we stopped to eat...about 15 minutes later...and considering all the babies I'm missing at home who were just born or will soon be born...yeah, a baby fix today was a good thing.]

All that to say, today was a good day.  Hopefully tomorrow will be good as well.  But for now...bed should probably happen sometime soon, because I do have school tomorrow...it's the beginning of the second-to-last week of school for the semester.  No small amount of excitement there...it's just a matter of trying to end things at a "natural" stopping point.  Hmm...about that...

I'm Ready to Get Off the Emotional Rollercoaster

Anytime now...

It's been an interesting month, filled with ups and downs.  One day I'm fine, the next day I'm super homesick.  Then I'm happy, then frustrated with things.  I'm pretty sure in the three plus months I've been down here I've run a wider gamut of emotions than I have in the last five years.

Building new relationships takes work, and it hurts sometimes.  At home, most of my friends have known me for years, and by this point they know my limitations, they know how to read me, whether I'm taking something as a joke or taking something personally.  They know if I'm joking or serious (well, some of the time).  They know what I'm interested in and what I like to do.  And I know the same about them.  I know how to push their buttons and how to avoid those buttons.  I know what topics will set them off, and what they need to talk about.  And I'm so comfortable in those relationships, that I forget how much you have to learn about other people in building relationships, because that knowledge didn't come automatically.  How do you find out what sets someone off...by accidently doing so.  [Sometimes they tell you ahead of time, but even then, often it takes experience to remember those things.]  A lot of grace has to be extended when you're getting to know someone...and I'm trying, but sometimes it's more difficult than others.  And living in close confines while this is going on exacerbates the issues at times. 

Most good relationships I have at home were built over months and sometimes years of acquaintance.  Here, I don't have that luxury.  I'm being stretched in this and I'm not comfortable with it.  [Then again, I know God never called us to be comfortable.]  The more uncomfortable I get, the more I want to hop on a plane and go home...and the more I know I need to stay here and work through it.  Which means that there have been a few times when I've been pretty miserable, lonely, and just weary.

There are things going on at home that don't help me much with this process either.  Progress is happening on my grandpa's house, and I'm missing it.  I spent many hours and a lot of sweat working on that house.  And while it's good to see pictures of how the progress is coming, there's part of me that wishes I was there, however weird that sounds.  I found out a few weeks ago that I'm going to be an aunt - my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child.  And I'm going to miss this whole process, the baby showers, the preparations, etc.  When I come home in June, I'll have a little niece or nephew.  A beautiful thing...but so much that I'm missing.  And when I'm struggling with relationships here, or when misunderstandings come up, that's what I focus on...what I'm missing at home.

I use personal space as my buffer.  At home, when something happens that causes me to react emotionally, I'll retreat and think about it and work through it until I can see it dispassionately or logically, and then decide how to react.  At home, if I need to avoid someone for a few days until that happens, usually I can.  Here, not so much, so I find myself operating more with my emotions than usual.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but again it's an uncomfortable thing for me.

And then there are days like yesterday, where emotions are all over the place.  Yesterday was the second anniversary of my grandfather's "heavenly birthday" as my aunt puts it.  November 4, 2009 he went to be with the Lord (and all his family and friends who had gone before him).  I knew the anniversary was coming, I was trying to emotionally prepare for it, but there isn't much you can do about it.  This week I've been more emotionally raw than usual.  And then yesterday morning I checked facebook...and found that my cousins (on that side of the family) had their little baby girl born yesterday, on that anniversary.  Little baby Miranda is the first great grandchild in that family (though three more are coming in the next six months).  It was an interesting day - joy and sorrow intermingled.

And all of that is happening at home and I'm still here...where I know I'm supposed to be, but at times that doesn't make it any easier.  I know I'm here for a reason.  Part of that reason may be God teaching me how to work through relationships and emotions as opposed to just ignoring them until I have a chance to think about it.  [And there are many good things happening too, please don't misunderstand me...I just don't struggle with those...maybe I'll talk about those in my next blog entry so it doesn't seem like I think my life is awful. :-)]