I promised a few people I wouldn't write these blogs in Spanish, so I won't, don't worry.
One of the things I really wanted coming down here was to become fluent, or at least proficient, in Spanish. Considering how much I've traveled to Spanish-speaking countries, I figured it's a good skill to have, not to mention the fact that I'm going to be here for a year in total.
At this point I'm three and a half months into my time here, and I've progressed a little bit in Spanish (mostly on being able to understand other people when they speak, which, granted, is a huge first step). But I still haven't spoken much Spanish...I'm not forced to, because nearly everyone on the Ranch speaks English, and those that don't I can normally get by with the limited Spanish I have, and if I'm desperate, get one of the students to translate. Going to church forces me to at least listen in Spanish (unless I feel like being lazy and totally rely on the translator). I got together with one of my students a handful of times and she helped me a bit, but life got busy and we stopped that.
A few weeks ago (or maybe a month ago, I don't remember), a new Honduran teacher moved to the Ranch. She is bilingual (not all the Honduran teachers are - they teach the students in Spanish), and somewhere along the line she was willing to start a Spanish conversation "class"...basically a group of us get together and spend the time conversing, mostly in Spanish, so we can practice. Last night was my first night going to the class (I just found out about it a week ago, I don't know how long it's been going). I was nervous walking into it. I know I can read well in Spanish, but I don't have much confidence at all in my conversational skills [in Spanish or in English!].
I didn't really have anything to be nervous about...the class went really well. We spent two and a half hours talking, mostly in Spanish, with some English thrown in. At one point my teacher looked at me and the girl sitting next to me on the couch and asked us why we don't normally speak in Spanish, because we definitely know enough to converse at this point. For me, it's one part uncertainty and one part fear.
I'm accustomed to knowing what I'm doing, and having a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about. And hopefully there will come a time when that translates into Spanish as well as English, but for now, I don't trust myself speaking in Spanish. When I'm talking with people who only understand Spanish, the need to communicate can override the uncertainty...I'll take a stab at speaking because the other option is to sit in silence, but when I'm talking with someone (like my students) who understand both, and who know English much better than I know Spanish, I usually revert to English. Hopefully I can force myself to stop that. I'm getting to know one of my girls better, we've spent some time together, and with her I may be comfortable enough to try speaking in Spanish.
It was encouraging for my teacher to ask me why I don't speak in Spanish, because it implied that I could. Now I just need to get over myself and be willing to make mistakes and look like a fool in front of people...which for me is very difficult...but it's necessary if I want to get past where I'm at right now. I'm not going to improve if I'm not willing to take some risks here.
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