It's been a while since I've written on here. That isn't to say that nothing has happened, thought a lot of it is more of the (now) routine variety, so I didn't feel the need to write about it. The last month or so has been pretty rough on me emotionally and mentally.
It started when I picked up a book that had been recommended to me called Inside Out by Dr. Larry Crabb. I'm the kind of person who reads a lot, and quickly. I've read 5 books in the last week. This book, however, wasn't one I could speed through. I spent a lot of time pondering what it was saying, and looking at my own life, seeing both steps I had already taken to get closer to God, but also ways in which I was still protecting myself. It was a difficult book to read, because it took me on an emotional, mental and spiritual journey...a necessary one, but not an easy one. I spent time processing with God, I spent time processing with other people (some of whom have and some of whom have not read the book). I'm not through processing, I know this, and I know there are some changes I'm probably going to need to make in my life when I return home, and even here to some extent. I don't yet know what that looks like, though...I'm still working on that, and God's still working on that.
In the morning before school, I sit outside on my back porch and read my Bible, pray, listen to music, e-mail people, etc. Last Wednesday I finished reading the New Testament, which I had started when I got here, pretty much read a chapter a day, etc. So I was thinking about where I should read next, and I remembered a couple of years ago a friend of mine had decided to read the Bible...the whole thing...in 90 days. I've read it in a year before (actually I started in January and finished in July...so less than a year), but I haven't ever dedicated that much time to reading the Bible every day. I started this a week ago...last Thursday...in Ecclesiastes. No, I can't explain why I started there as opposed to in the actual beginning of the Bible. I really like Ecclesiastes, though, so that might be part of it. And it means I'll be finishing my reading of the Old Testament at least with Proverbs, and wisdom is always good.
Well, this past week has probably been the most difficult week emotionally speaking that I've had here. I've had a lot of things on my mind, I've been restless and gone wandering around the Ranch pretty much every night. Most of the news I've gotten from home hasn't been encouraging. I'm pretty sure there's spiritual warfare going on. Which on one hand, reinforces the idea that I'm doing what I need to do...because when you're ineffective, often Satan leaves you alone. But the last week has kind of been the capstone to the last month, which has pretty much been kicking my butt. I'm not going to stop...but I do ask for prayer. My goal is to finish reading through the Bible again by my birthday...which is actually less than 90 days from when I started. If I don't make that deadline, I'm still shooting for the 90 days, but my guess is I'll do what I can to make it, even if it means staying up all night on Saturday before my birthday.
