Any advice, please…
This was the last Monday I’ll be in Honduras…well at least for the next month. And when I come back, I’m not coming back for good, I’m just coming back for two weeks, so it’s not the same. It does make leaving a little easier, but emphasis on LITTLE.
This evening I started really packing. I’ve been consolidating things for the past week or so, weeding out things I don’t need to take back with me, separating things into things I’ll use before I return and things I’m going to stow here until I return for a week. Tonight I actually went through and started counting off the days until I leave (6) and then portioning out what clothing I still need to wear, and packing the rest, packing up cosmetics, pictures, getting my DVDs in order, figuring out what people are still borrowing, going through every drawer in my room and throwing things out, putting things to the side that I don’t need, but other people may want…in general getting ready to wrap up my life here. It’s more difficult than I anticipated in some ways…it makes things more real. I really am leaving in less than a week. And how do I go from the life I’m used to here back to the fast-paced, materialistic, busy world I came from?
In many ways the last year devoid of TV (or at least commercials…the TV I’ve watched has all been on DVD), radio, reliable phone service and high speed internet has been a relief. I get phone service when I’m in the city (Teguc), outside in some areas on the Ranch, or connected to the antenna in Scott’s room. But even then, I don’t get phone calls in, I just call out. The internet is a frustration at times, but the intermittent service means that many times I don’t spend a lot of time tied in to facebook and e-mail. I still check it every day, but before I left I would spend time not only on chatting with people, but playing games on facebook or on the internet. I don’t think I’ve really done anything with facebook apps since before Christmas. It takes too long to load, often causes my internet to freeze up, and it’s not worth the trouble. That greatly decreases the amount of time I spend online (or it would if the internet was as fast here as it is at home…). Add into that, I don’t have a driver’s license or vehicle here, so I basically have a lot of time to spend talking with people and reading books (and the aforementioned DVDs and movies…and usually those are viewed with at least one other person). And in some cases, these people have become like family.
That’s not even touching on the students that I’ve taught this past year. When you live on the same property as the students, you get to know them rather well. I had one student tell me that she looks at me like an older sister…and she’s only two and a half years younger than my younger sister, so that’s not too much of a stretch. I’ve had students ask me to come back next year. I’ve had parents thank me for the impact I’ve had on their kids. And in the past week I’ve had to say goodbye already to people I’ve gotten to know really well, some of whom I may never see again this side of heaven.
I’m leaving this culture, and returning to one where in many cases people are too busy to sit down and talk…unless it’s a previously scheduled time, in which case they may be able to spare 15 minutes (an hour if you’re a really good friend) to talk. I’m returning to a world where texting and facebook messages have replaced phone conversations because it allows you to multitask more easily. It’s a world where, when I left, I was fortunate to get 6 hours of sleep and half an hour of breathing space a day…usually that included weekends. I was surrounded by people, but usually we were so focused on whatever task was at hand that there wasn’t much time for personal conversation…unless that was the task at hand. And in many ways, I don’t want to go back to that. I want to go home, I want to see my family and friends…but I don’t want to go back to the task-oriented, busy pace of life back in the States.
I don’t know if there’s any way around it. I do know that I’m going to try to limit what I commit to, and in many cases I’m making those decisions before I get back home, which will make it easier to say no to the worthy and worthwhile causes that people ask me to join. It’s not that I don’t think they’re important, or that I don’t support what people are doing in that…it’s just that my focus isn’t there, and I don’t want to be so busy with “good” things that I don’t have energy to dedicate to “best” things.
But before I look too far ahead, I still have six days to get through…well, five really, because day six is traveling. In that time there will be many more goodbyes to say, packing to finish, conversations to be had, pictures to swap, life to live, and curriculum to finish (school is school in any country).
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