I’ve now been Stateside for almost 4 weeks. I’m going back to Honduras in another couple of days, for two weeks, and then I’ll be back here “permanently” [or at least for the foreseeable future]. In some ways, being back has been good, and in other ways it’s rough. People ask how I’m doing or if I’m glad to be back, and in many ways, the answer changes every day, sometimes every minute. It reminds me of a scene in Harry Potter 5 (the book…and I think the movie…): Harry, Ron and Hermione are sitting in the common room, near Christmas, right after Harry kissed Cho (this girl he’s liked for over a year). Cho was crying, and Ron teases Harry that he’s not a good kisser. Hermione says he’s fine, Cho is just conflicted, and when the guys continue to act confused, she goes on to explain all the different thoughts and emotions that Cho is going through at this point. Ron comes back with: “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode!” Right now, in many ways, I’m living that sentiment.
It’s impossible to explain all of how I’m doing, what I’m feeling, and any of my experiences right now. A lot of my time and energy is spent focusing on the task at hand…which is currently getting my house back together. I’d forgotten how much stuff I have. I remember when I was packing my house up to make room for my renter to move in, I threw out a lot of stuff that I didn’t need. In unpacking, I’m doing much the same thing…either throwing it out or moving it back into storage to potentially sell or give away. There are times when I’m doing okay, and times when I’m completely overwhelmed and can just stare at the stuff around me…most of which I definitely didn’t miss in the last year, much of which I completely forgot I owned.
I’ve spent a lot of time meeting with people these past couple weeks as well, which is a mixed blessing. I enjoy spending time with people, finding out about where they are right now, what’s been happening in their lives, and sharing some about mine. At the same time, I’ve heard many assumptions or statements which I know are well meaning, but are also hurtful.
“Welcome back to civilization…” Yes, I was living in a developing country. Yes, Honduras is very poor in many ways…but that doesn’t mean that it’s uncivilized. They have cell phones, internet (granted mine was really slow), vehicles, schools, shopping malls, etc. It may not be as grand or elaborate as those in the states, the power may go out on a weekly basis and you barely notice, but just because we’re incredibly, abundantly, overly blessed here…it doesn’t mean they’re not civilized.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’ve lived here for years, you weren’t gone that long.” A lot can happen in a year…a lot can happen in a few months or even a few weeks. You learn new ways of doing things, new ways of relating, how to live without things, and in many ways how to enjoy a different lifestyle. And when you come back, you’re seeing your “old” life through that lens. It’s no longer what you’re used to. I read somewhere that it takes 30 days to make a habit…or at least that’s what’s commonly accepted. Even giving some time for the initial culture shock…living in another culture for a year is by far long enough to get new habits.
“When you’re back to normal…” I’m assuming it’s intended to be: “when you’ve had time to reacclimate and had a chance to emotionally stabilize”…because I’m pretty sure I’ll never go back to the “normal” I was at before…and I’m also pretty sure I don’t want to…
What is normal? In some ways it feels like some people are treating my reverse culture shock like a disease I'll recover from, and when I've been back long enough I'll revert back to the "me" I was before. I hope not. I hope that the lessons I've learned and the things I've experienced will have a lasting impact. I know I need to relearn how to live in this culture, but that doesn't mean I have to forget my time in Honduras.
A hard part of coming back is trying to reconcile two very different sets of priorities. [And I know I'm generalizing here, so please don't jump down my throat...]. In the States, in many ways, we're focused on responsibility and independence. Honduras in many ways is focused on relationships and interdependence. That isn't to say that relationships aren't important in here, or that responsibility isn't important there...but an example: here you meet people on a schedule. You almost have to, especially if you're meeting somewhere other than someone's house. Most people are very time conscious, and we think people are rude if they show up more than a few minutes late (or come over excessively early). If we see a friend or acquaintance somewhere when we're shopping or out somewhere, we'll strike up conversation, but it usually is short, because we're conscious that we have things to get done and they likely have things to get done. Not so much in Honduras. If you see someone in the mall, it's not uncommon to have longer conversations, or to change your plans to spend time with them. People will come over unannounced, or be invited in spontaneously, and sometimes these unplanned visits span hours or meals. When a guest comes over, they usually stop what they're doing to spend time with that person. Help is also freely offered and often accepted (though pride does come into play at times). Relationships are so important that culturally, it's very difficult to refuse people things. However, most people don't take undue advantage of it.
One of my biggest frustrations in returning is how often people interrupt when you're in a conversation. I don't know if I'm just more sensitive to it, or if it's happening to me more often (I'm guessing I'm more sensitive) but there have been numerous times with numerous people where I've felt like walking away from the conversation and just sending an email, because at least those can get written without interruption. I can't count the number of times I've been asked a question by a friend, so I start to answer, and within two sentences they've had to interject something...a question, comment, or assumption. If you really want to know about my time, let me tell it. If you don't want to know, don't ask. I won't be offended if you don't ask...I do get more offended if you ask, but show you don't really care about the answer, because as I'm talking you're thinking about what you want to say next rather than listening to what I'm saying. I don't need to talk about my trip all the time; I do want to find out what is happening in other people's lives. I understand that in the year I've been gone, life has gone on here in the States, as it should.
It will be interesting to see how things go as I return to Honduras. I don’t know what it will feel like to go back…the same in some ways and different in others. I’m only back at the Ranch for a week. Some people are no longer around, and I’ll miss them. Others it will be very good to see again (and very difficult to say goodbye to).
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